Reasons To Be Cheerful, 1, 2, 3.

And so I'm back, from outta space!

2011-11-02T04:49:00.000-07:00

Monday I went into hospital to have a "procedure".

After a three hour wait in the hot, claustrophobic waiting room at the lovely Heartlands Hospital in the city of Birmingham I was processed. Thank heavens for anesthetic. What magical stuff that is. I didn't even see the operating theatre, just some very nice nurses and bit of fiddling around and the next thing I know I am looking up at the smiling Mr. Reasons.

I shall spare the gory details but next Wednesday I shall discover if I have something serious or not. I want answers, it is very tough not knowing.

This week is a week of recovery and healing. Ommmmm...breath deep, think positive thoughts, try not to smack anybody!

The Waiting Game

2011-10-14T08:25:00.000-07:00

I had my follow up appointment with the ENT consultant on Friday. He left me sitting there ages whilst he read through my notes and those from the doctor who had performed the ultrasound scan and biopsy. I could feel my heart thumping and was annoyed at my own nerves.

He told me the results were inconclusive and that a CT scan would now be necessary. This happens on Wednesday. The NHS moving fast, a worry in itself! The lump could be linked to a thyroid cancer, a cyst or a lymph node that has enlarged for some reason. He ruled out lymphoma but cancer is a possibility. Then he looked at me. I asked him if that's what he thinks it is and he just said it is a possibility.

Great.

An operation and more waiting. Now they are moving fast though, he tried to get the scan done on the same day but it wasn't possible. His nurse did the pre-op and he said he will call me rather than see me before the operation to save time. Medicine, he told me, is not black and white !

My children have a watered down version of what's going on, my mum still knows nothing and as she lives away she cannot see the bruise left from the biopsy so I don't have to explain that at least. She is caring for my Dad who is showing no signs of picking up after bowel cancer surgery. It is very hard to be away from them at the moment. This Saturday we were all planning a trip to see them. Staying in a hotel to give them some peace. I do hope I don't get whisked in to hospital and have to cancel but I know I should be grateful if that happens.

Tomorrow is my eldest daughter's 18th birthday. A time to celebrate.

It's a funny old life.

October

2011-10-05T11:54:00.000-07:00

October is an important month for me. It is the month I was born, the month I in which I was married and my first child was born. Much to celebrate, but for some strange reason I am often unwell at this time of year. It is the month when I was twice struck down by a serious infection that put me in hospital. It happened on 31st October in two consecutive years. I used to celebrate Halloween, not anymore! For me it feels truly jinxed. This year is no exception of course as you may know from my previous post, although I still await to know the seriousness of this little episode.

It is always a month for change. A time be serious again after weeks of summer fun, of getting down to the the stuff of routine and organisation. The realisation that soon it will the time to gear up for Christmas, already the paraphernalia is in the shops. The days will shorten. Winter is around the corner.

Mostly for me, though there is a sense of excitement. It's the rustling of leaves as the squirrels leap around the trees in the garden and the wind swirls through the branches. A warm wind so far this month, almost as good as an ocean breeze. As I walk down our long, lovely lawn the acorns crunch beneath my feet. Colour everywhere. Gold and red leaves, the berries of orange and crimson, blue sky, vivid, vibrant and a feast for the eyes.

There is a smell in the air I can't quite describe, it is like an energy, something a little mystical and powerful. Great conkers hit my windscreen as I drive down our road, I jump out of my skin but have to smile at my own fright. Good for nature. It is showing us its spirit! As a child I always loved this month and would spend hours drawing autumn scenes, spending ages getting that fullness and shine on the berries. I still get that little girl surge of utter happiness and a feeling that whoever or whatever created this really knows how to put of a great show and I thank them!

Which is your favourite month?

Just Getting IT Off My Chest

2011-10-03T01:54:00.001-07:00

The UK last week was in the grip of a mini heat wave. It was quite simply stunning. The autumn trees lit up like fireworks in the sunshine and knowing that winter is around the corner made the unexpected warmth even sweeter.

On Friday Mr. Reasons took a day off. The idea being to spend a whole, luxurious day together, as a treat for my birthday which would be spent with the family on Sunday. First, however, I had to get an appointment over with to sort out this persistent swelling in my neck.

We waited a full hour to see the ENT consultant, by which time I had worked myself up into a bit of nervous state. When I finally saw him I sat in his room and heard all the things it could be, from not so serious to very serious, and everything in between. Whatever it is, he told me, it will need to come out. I felt sick and faint and just wanted to put my head between my knees to stop myself from keeling over. But I smiled and thanked him.... for scaring the shit out of me. As you do.

He asked me to return a couple of hours later for a biopsy. Now I can do pain, but I wasn't prepared for how much this would hurt. I think it was because the doctor had to go through muscle and in and up at an angle to avoid an artery, but it was not a lovely experience. He did this twice and because he had trouble getting into the area he prodded and jabbed like I was a jacket potato being pierced before baking.

A couple of times he stopped because I was feeling sick and faint again. To be honest I think it was more to do with the intense worry than the pain. Even so I wasn't proud to be taken out into the waiting room still on a bed so that the doctor could check on me and ensure I was safe to leave without causing any embarrassment by keeling over in the carpark.

I left, knowing I must return in two weeks to face the results. It makes me sick to the pit of my stomach just thinking about it. I thought I was braver than that.

Our day out together was not to be, I was very bruised and in a lot of pain and discomfort so we went home to relax. I was so, so grateful that Mr. Reasons had been with me, but I worry that he has to go through this too, he has had so much to deal with over the past few years.

Family life ticked over for the rest of the weekend. I didn't feel up to much so my birthday was quiet. In the end we didn't even have a meal altogether as a family as eldest daughter only returned late Sunday from a weekend away celebrating a friend's 18th and middle daughter left before eldest returned to go to a concert. It upset me, I needed the comfort of my family around me and could have done with them lifting my spirits. They are getting older though and have busy lives but I made my point that we should all make an effort to come together for birthday meals.

I tried to be gracious through my disappointment. Certainly I don't want them to worry about me and have played the whole neck saga completely down. There could be nothing to worry about after all, so why upset them.

I cannot share any of this with my mum, she has enough to worry about with Dad not being well. I miss that. She senses something is not right, I can tell.

Please don't send me sympathy. It'll only make me feel worse. I want to feel positive and not a victim of bad health and a bit of rubbish luck. It has to be about coping and seeing the good stuff. I want to move out of this cloud that keeps chasing me.

Wishing for Calm

2011-09-22T01:55:00.000-07:00

Is it not always the case that when you have to most to write about, you have the least time down to sit down and write?

The second installment of my previous post will have to wait. I have at least got back into the groove. One foot back in the door. Bum on seat. Fingers on keys.

Hellooooo!!!!

It has been full on. My husband became self employed, which as he works away, meant that yours truly had the task of setting up the business, bank account, tax registration, book keeping blah blah blah, and all this on the back end of another house move.

We finally staggered away on holiday for a rest but whilst there I learned that a member of my family had been diagnosed with cancer. On our return, I hosted family visitors from France and then went straight to be with my parent's to help them through.

Now, finally, I feel some kind of order is returning. My piles of paperwork are reducing and the house is reaching a state of more calm. I do have some dodgy stuff going on with my health and have been ordered for an emergency appointment to investigate a suspicious swelling to the lymph node in my neck, but I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO HAVE ANYTHING ELSE WRONG WITH ME. Are you listening God?? Do you read Blogs?

I so want to settle now. To enjoy our new home, my family, just to write a more often.

Wish me luck!

A Mother's Nightmare. Part one.

2011-05-26T01:18:00.000-07:00

So in the words of the prolific writer, Enid Blyton, or at least the wonderful actress Helena Bonam Carter, who played her recently in the BBC drama "Enid" (available as I write on BBC iplayer) "...if you want to write, you just sit down and write..." My childhood was enriched by the books of this wonderful children's author. Yet she was obviously a very strange person indeed and a questionable mother for sure. How could someone write such magical and appealing books for children and yet have absolutely no clue to how to relate to her own? If how she is portrayed in this story is true, it surely shows how deeply affected we really are by events in our childhood, whether we are aware of it, or not. Anyway, I shall take her words to my heart, stop procrastinating, sit down, and write.

My dear friend in Zurich is going through unimaginable trauma. She is so often on my mind and I find it hard to understand how such terrible things can have come to happen to an essentially good and hard working woman. I met her when we were students learning to speak French, newcomers to Quebec, Canada. She took one look at me, decided I was most certainly for her, put her arm round me at break time and announced we would be friends. Slightly shyer and more retiring, probably than I am now, I was not going to argue with 5 foot 9 Polish woman. We bonded a few weeks later when she came with some other Polish friends and relatives to our flat for afternoon tea and cake and left at 2.30 am after copious quantities of vodka shots, drunk from shot glasses held in hands with arms linked, songs had been sung and stories shared.

Time went on, she married a man, another Polish guy who had moved to Canada many years prior, with his family. A serious, quiet man who worked for Canadian Immigration. An odd match I always felt, she so beautiful, smart and outgoing, he more awkward, of slow and deliberate speech, wanting things his way....

We borrowed a Cadillac from my husband's colleague and drove them from the Registry Office to her new husband's family place in the Laurentian hills. A simple celebration outside in the summer sun, check table clothes and wonderful homemade food. And vodka. The main 'wedding' was to take place in G's hometown in Poland some weeks later.

They settled down, G working hard to earn her degree in biochemistry, her husband continuing with his 9-5 for the government. G got her first 'proper' job, which she loved and started to do really well.

We visited them some years later on a rare trip back to Canada and were introduced to their new family, a little girl and a new born boy that G was still tenderly breastfeeding. She told me she would have to return to work to support the family and that her husband would stay home because financially that was just how it needed to be. I knew deep down that this suited G, she had worked hard for her position and as much as she clearly adored her children, full time motherhood was just not for her, as it indeed hadn't been for her own mother.

.....to be continued.

Spring. New Beginnings.

2011-04-07T01:31:00.001-07:00

Ooops sorry, missed a couple of months. Where the hell did they go?? I rhink I mentioned that we sadly lost a brother in law in December. Got through January reasonably intact in the end. Lots of snow which was pretty but other than than it is all a bit of a bluuurrr...

February, same story. Still waiting for mortgage company to approve our application but they had obviously doubts at this point, reasoning I believe that Mr. Reasons was a spy and I, a money launderer. Honestly you can't win these days, no chance of a mortgage if you don't have a down payment and if you do have something to put down, they think it was illegally gained!

March brought more bad news. My sister in law was diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing extensive chemotherapy and had extensive operations. One family that has had way too much bad news recently, but not my place to go into great detail. I am not religious, but I pray for them.

Anyhooo, zooming forward to April...we have moved!!! This morning as I write (exhausted, still in bed) we are two weeks in and have had 22 teenagers here for my beautiful middle daughter's 15th birthday. AM I TOTALLY BONKERS?? The house is absolutely my dream home and I love it. Lots of wood; floors, beams, doors, but many with coloured glass in them too...ooh it's so fab I can hardly believe it! We face south, so lots of light, a cracking garden with lots of trees and nesting birds in a bird box to keep us company.

Of course there is always a 'but'. Mr. Reasons job once again looks unsteady. His firm relied on contracts in a certain country where civil war is going on right now, something no-one could have predicted. I am scared we will have to give all this up but then I suppose none of us can predict the future so for now, I guess, we should just enjoy what we have right now. Reasons to be cheerful!

January Blues

2011-01-14T08:04:00.000-08:00

My life has been somewhat of a roller coaster ride for the past three to four years, and the last couple of months have proved no exception.

Our move, for reasons I cannot go into, is delayed. Hopefully all will be back on track soon and I will have a moving date to work to. Although I am not holding my breath and quite honestly the thought of mustering the energy for such a grand task, does not seem likely at the moment.

Our winter weather in the UK came alarmingly severely upon us. Snow, uncommon in the Midlands, hit us a couple of weeks before Christmas and turned the urban streets and parks into a winter wonderland. Christmas travel plans looked in jeopardy for a while but whilst waiting to hedge their bets against a bad journey and grab the first, least likely snow day to travel, my mum and dad hopped into their cars a few days before Christmas, when we received a phone call with some very bad news.

My husband's brother, aged 52 and with a wife and two children, had gone to bed on Dec 23rd and died of a heart attack in his sleep. Mr. Reasons, one of ten, was to bury his third sibling.

Thus the reason for my absence from Blogland. I don't want to say much more for now. Everything is a little bleak and grey, and I just feel a bit quiet.

However, I do (and I know I will be shot by the "no happy new years after Jan 12th" police for this) want to wish everyone a healthy, happy and prosperous 2011!

Believe in You

2010-11-16T05:47:00.000-08:00

For a while now I have been gradually finding my feet, after a period of great change, laced with some major difficulties. Although it is getting easier and I am becoming stronger and challenging myself more, I still suffer from a lack of confidence because of my disfigured finger joints, and yet deep down I know I have a lot to offer and am planning to embark on more things in terms of my career, once we have moved house (again) in January.

Today, in a waiting room, I read my horoscope:

"You don't know what you are capable of. The only way you can find out is to try something you are unsure of. It is, of course, important to know your limitations. But it is also important not to restrict yourself too severely or you will never know the true extent of your inner potential. You are in a position to achieve much more than you think. Think of yourself as a person of great talent, insight and resourcefulness. For ultimately, that is, indeed, exactly what you are."

This hit the spot for me today, I took a photograph of this with my phone. I am sure it applies to many of us.

Believe in you!!

Because some things are too good not to share...

2010-11-03T00:58:00.000-07:00

Mad and manic

2010-11-01T02:02:00.000-07:00

I caught sight of this picture when reading the Mad, Manic Mama's blog this morning and I know Saz won't mind me borrowing it. I live with a 17, 14 and 11 year old and this pic really sums up how it feels sometimes.

Somehow though, at the moment, I seem to be able to keep a smile on my face. Despite the fact that my house is completely over run with AS level art project materials plus other books and folders for study, Halloween spider web which is everywhere, plastic "nerf" guns that are noisy and more irritating than having a mosquito buzzing around your head, wires for every technological device known to man, an ever overflowing laundry basket and a to-do list that the dog has knocked off the table and sat on in the hope that he will take precedent over it.

Don't I ask them to clear up after themselves you ask? Of course I do. See the picture.

Yet, I am doing OK and I can say that finally I think we are settling here and the children are happy. I also lost some weight, signed up for that counselling course and I am exercising much more, which I think is one of the most important feel-good factors that I can control.

But you want to hear something really, really good? My daughter's scoliosis is now under control due to intensive (private) physiotherapy course she undertook (four weeks of 9-5pm tailor-made exercises and 45 mins every day for life). The orthopaedic consultant scratched his head at the x-rays which showed a 4 degree improvement on the curve in her spine and said "No operation necessary" Yahoo!!

How good is that?!

It's peeing it down here, but it'll be OK

2010-10-01T02:19:00.000-07:00

Things hit crisis point last week with me spitting out my dummy and having a little rant about my world. My main gripes were those of frustration, that my poorly hands prevent me from doing the things I want to do, especially now we are finally settled here and I have a chance to find more of a life for myself. Also fatigue, because doing everything whilst Mr. R works abroad can be exhausting and I refuse to compromise on standards, always cooking from scratch, keeping up the discipline and support for the children, making sure everything runs well. Then the one that's always hard to admit, loneliness, ah yes, that feeling we all have from time to time but hate to show because it can make us appear weak.

All this spluttered out in a tidal wave of tears to a poor man who is doing his best to make ends meet an,as with many men in his position, he was left feeling pretty baffled how he can help a situation which cannot be 'fixed'.

So he was quite brutal and told me that I have to sort these issues. He suggested that I get more help if I need it, find something I can do to ease the loneliness, even if it is voluntary work. Please don't focus on health issues he implored, and how bad it may get, because anyone can be here one minute and gone the next so better to just make the most of it.

Anyone who doesn't suffer from a chronic health condition can't really understand what it is like, and why should they? This too, I must accept, I can share my woes with my husband and I have to because I can't do so with anyone else as I do insist on putting a brave face on thing, even with my friends and family, but I can't expect him to totally 'get it'. That said, as I digested the things he said, I realised I have been strong and that I just have to get stronger. All these things are true. I cannot change my condition, only manage it as best I can and arrange my life according to my restrictions, without self pity

So I have enrolled on a counselling course - don't need hands for that - and I will look at helping people suffering disability. I don't consider myself to have one myself you see. Odd that. Maybe that is down to pure stubbornness.

I put an offer in on a house which has been accepted and Mr. R will get to see it later today. I hope it will be a happy home for us where we can have friends to visit easily in the ample space and the children can bring their friends for parties, sleepovers, baking bonanzas and all that stuff they love to do.

I have begun to be much firmer about help I expect from the children and am encouraging them to become more independent.

I will try harder accept the days I cannot do the things I want to get done and find workarounds and alternatives.

I am getting better at checking myself for negative thoughts and literally force myself to think positive. Even fake it a first until it feels real.

Tomorrow I will be 45. Onwards and upwards dear bloggers, onwards and upwards.

Alive & well

2010-09-14T05:53:00.000-07:00

Doesn't time fly?

It's been a while, I feel quite ashamed. Not even checking my hotmail to see some heartfelt messages enquiring into my whereabouts and wondering if I am OK. I know that feeling when blogging pals suddenly vanish for a while....you do wonder... I didn't intend to be gone so long. It's just that summer rolled on and quite frankly the chances to blog just got taken up with being away - my daughter had two more weeks at the back clinic in Suffolk, being away again - we visited Ireland and traced some of hubby's family roots, and more being away - 3 weeks at the base in Malta. Then home to the frantic business of getting everyone ready to go back to school. This exercise requires nerves of steel and a very fat cheque book. All three at different schools, two of them at new ones, getting ones head around the requirements of each system is quite a feat, but we managed.

Now I am training my youngest, who has just begun secondary, how to go to and from school whilst remembering the correct books, kit, watch, key, head, flies done up...you know the kind of thing. Girls are so much easier in this respect.

I have my dog home. He wants walking. Yes the cheek of it. I just got soaked for his benefit. Bless him, he doesn't expect much.

Then there's the business of trying to find a house. Oh and of course Mr. Reasons is hardly ever here so that little gem of a task is for moi aussi. So there you go, I am not complaining, all is good, just a busy bee. So now I am back and will be posting again as often as possible.

I don't really want to be going on about me, I am so keen to see how you all are. So will be off to visit lots of blogs over the next week.

Family life.It's not looking like this...

2010-07-02T05:06:00.000-07:00

I really do love my kids. I love my husband. I am lucky. So lucky. They are healthy (despite a few challenges), not 'bringing trouble to my door' as they say, not sure where but someone says that, somewhere.

So why are they all driving me up the blinkin' wall?!

Perhaps it's me. Of course it must be me because they are all fed up with me. The homemaker, the carer of health, the teacher of values and principles, the disciplinarian. Or, pain the the bloody arse, as they no doubt would like to call me.

To middle daughter;

Turn your i pod down love you will damage your ears.

Why are you on at me for EVERYTHING I do - ALL THE TIME?!

To Son

I've told you four times to shower and get to bed, ignore me again and no computer for the rest of the week.

Fine then.

From eldest daughter

Mum, I have a list of things I need to buy for work experience and my holiday in Newquay with my friends, can you take me into town.....NOW.

You give me a hand first with some jobs to earn the money and we'll go tomorrow.

(...half a dishwasher emptied later....)

Can we go now?

Meanwhile I've been in her room and found mascara and nail varnish stains on the carpet of the house we rent. Agh!

To husband:

It's raining please can you nip out and put the garden chair in the shed before it gets soaked.

I'm exhausted, I'll do it later.

But it'll take only a few seconds...

...I'll get to it....leave me alone...I'm tired...don't go on...just leave it....

Well, I'm tired too and fed up, and I just want to cry, or sleep, or both, but I am too busy to do either.

My older lady friends at Qigong this morning told me to step back. Let them make their own mistakes...walk their own path. Trouble is their path and mine keep crossing and collisions are happening.

Ah the joys of family life.

Sex and violence....and I only went for a walk in the park

2010-06-29T02:50:00.000-07:00

My sanctuary (if I leave the dog at home)

I never really had a chance to cry a river for my friend's horrendous experience (last post). I was about to blow on Friday evening when Mr. Reason's invited some neighbours in for a drink around the fire pit. Then Saturday and Sunday were busily involved in the demands and pleasures of family life.

The feelings of angst for her were stuck inside me like a tight ball, nothing I could do for her apart from pray and I am not conventionally religious if you get my drift, so I don't do that very well. Today I went to seek some solace to the park with the dog. Mobile phone switched off I wondered off into the sunshine and soaked up the calmness that wildlife offers up. taking deep breaths and trying to keep my mind a little still..... it was all working well until I secured Charlie up to the doggy/bike park to have a coffee outside at the cafe. A gorgeous large male retriever came to say hi to Charlie and he responded by mounting the animal as the onlookers sipped, wide eyed at their drinks. Ever tried getting a dog off another dog when it's hell bent on giving it a good seeing to? Well it's not easy trust me. Thanks Charlie, I don't think you are gay, I read it's a dominance thing but I just wish you'd give the other dogs a firm look in the eye or a quick snap. No sex please we're British!

Then I ended up saving baby frogs that were taking their lives in their hands trying to cross the walk/bike path into the wild area of the park. Hundreds of them, they looked like little specs of hopping brown dirt, leaving the safety of their pond in broad daylight to near certain death. Most of the dog owners got involved in the frog rescuing movement, much to the amusement of the onlooking dogs who probably wondered what on earth the fuss was all about.

Time getting on, I headed for home, gave one last chuck of the ball for Charlie who dived into the base of an enormous fir tree, only to be attacked by what sounded like a snarling, spitting,
ferocious, wild animal. It actually turned out to be a rudely awoken, very large tabby cat. Charlie was perplexed and was not going back under that tree, no way, no sirree. Serves him right for humping strange dogs I guess. That's karma for you and a walk in my local park.

Crying a river

2010-06-25T08:03:00.000-07:00

Writing is cathartic, us bloggers all know that, and I am sad to say I must write out some despair today. I could call some friends who are in the know about this situation, but the sun is shining and they may be affected, but only distantly, by this situation so why spoil their Friday fun?

I met a good friend when I first moved to Canada. She spotted me at a french class and tells me she made up her mind right there and then that we would be friends. And we have been ever since, though from afar as I left Canada six years after our meeting and she more recently moved to Switzerland, so we are closer and manage to speak more frequently. Sadly, though not about happy things in her world. Her husband, the main child carer and home maker turned sour after their move to Switzerland and blamed my friend for everything wrong in his life. He began to drink and became abusive. Although the children were old enough, he would not find work and refused to socialise. Gradually, he asked for a divorce and stories about his past emerged from others that demonstrated what a bad and sexually deviant guy this is.

Today she, as a career mother, lost custody of her two beautiful children. She will see them every other weekend and lose 70% of her monthly income to her husband.

I don't even think those children are safe.

Dear God, how to I help her?

The birds, the squirrel and the dog

2010-06-21T10:37:00.000-07:00

Charlie, our dog, has come home to stay for a while and quite frankly he appears to find the whole thing simply exhausting! My mum has hurt her knee and although I have had to prize him away, as both my parents and their dog have become quite attached to him, the children are ecstatic. He will stay with us until the middle of July, at which point he will venture north again to stay with my parents whilst we go off on a couple of summer jaunts. Win, win. Charlie is officially a shared pet.

Whilst he was away I satisfied my need for a pet by welcoming the birds into our garden. An elaborate bird feeder was erected, and then re-assembled by my 10 year old son (no I didn't do it right) and we offered up peanuts, niger seed, mixed seed and sunflower seeds to the waiting, wild world of Midland birds. Who did we get? Mr. Squirrel. Mr. Squirrel is a persistent fellow, as many of you I am sure know, they will go to any lengths to get their peanuts and our pesky visitor was no exception. He even resorted to tipping over the entire feeder in order to spill all the peanuts for ease of access. Greedy little begger, he didn't even tell his mates, just kept the whole supply to himself and got fatter and fatter before our very eyes.

The birds gradually came too, robins, finches, blue tits, sparrows, blackbirds, magpies and pigeons all gathered to feed on what the squirrel didn't fancy. I love seeing them all. The squirrel does still appear too but I have a little tip for you if you have the same squirrel problem...WD40 on the pole of the bird feeder. The peanuts stay where they are and you have the entertainment of a pole dancing squirrel too!

Please note: No squirrels or birds were harmed in the making of this blog. WD 40 should only be sprayed on the pole, not near the feed containers and don't worry about the squirrel, ours is still alive, kicking and very healthy. One pole dance and the lesson was learned.

Monaco - Grand Prix.The weekend of a lifetime

2010-05-20T04:23:00.000-07:00

Transported from airport to hotel. I could have stayed up there so much longer!

Given VIP passes and taken into the pits to meet the brains behind the glamour.

Soaking up the atmosphere....see the roof?!

Seeing some of how the other half live. Jenson Butler's boat just two away from 'ours'.

Spending time with customers and colleagues all weekend goes so much better with a little of this.

Monaco - the track and playground for the rich and famous.

And so I'm back from outta space...

2010-05-10T07:31:00.000-07:00

You just walked in to find me here with that sad look upon my face.

No, just kidding, all is well. Just been busy, no time to blog. Sad but true.

Lovely Cathy from Cathy has kindly given me this award and in return I am asked to share a few thing about moi. So here goes.

1. I know it's unfashionable to be patriotic in the UK, but I love England and am glad I was born here. This a list of things British stolen from Jeremy Paxman's book 'The English', a list of things he thinks define the British.

Village cricket, Elgar, DIY - Do it Yourself (or as my daughter say YDI, You Do It), punk, street fashion, irony, vigorous politics, brass bands, Shakespeare, Cumberland sausages, double-decker buses, breast obsession, crosswords, country Churches, dry-stone walls, gardening, Monty Python, the Beatles, good beer, church bells, vicars, Christopher Wren,Women's Institute, fish and chips, crumpets, bad hotels, Christmas Eve at King's college Cambridge,civility, crude language, Bentleys and Reliant Robins.

I could add, jumble sales, pantomines and sunday roast.

What can you add?

2. I don't understand our country's political system all that well. I thought that I did, but increasingly it makes little sense to me. We had a election and the majority voted to oust a Prime Minister we never voted for in the first place. Now, after the election, we have a hung parliament and it's like watching hoards of suited people all trying to change a light bulb. As this light bulb is quite complicated to fit we have a scenario where the leader of the least popular party (Liberal Democrats) gets to flit between the two main parties with an 'oooh look at me!' expression of the cat that got the cream, trying to decide who he'd like to help him hold the ladder. Mean time the Prime Minister has decided he doesn't like this game anymore so he has stepped down and therefore we don't even know who will go up the ladder to be crowned our new leader should the Liberal Democrats decide the Labour Party are their new best buddies. Either way, with the fiasco of polling day when people lost out on the chance to vote because the polling stations were undermanned and a story emerges of a 14 year old who did manage to vote, we, the electorate have surely been short changed. I am surprised there aren't demonstrations. Perhaps Apathy is the new party that we have.

And we go into other countries telling them how to run a democracy!! As Graham Norton says, let's hope no aliens land and say 'Take me to your leader...'

3. I do like the odd rant.

4. It's taken me 44 years to really understand that life actually is short and that we really do deserve to have fun.

5. I'm a bit too much like my start sign - Libran. I'm always seeing both sides of things , which can cause delay and confusion!

6. I am too sensitive. Sometimes that's great because I can be a radar for other people's feelings and moods so adapt accordingly which makes me easy to get along with. But I also pick up on things that hurt and that can be a bind.

7. Increasingly I sound like my mother. I was talking to an old pal on the phone yesterday. We used to go out and party a lot when we were younger. I found us discussing the birds in our gardens and her husbands tomato plants. This is perhaps not a bad thing, however it does make me smile as I realise what an old fogey I must seem to my own offspring!

8. I know I'm perhaps a little one sided on this but I honestly do have the most gorgeous, funny, wonderful, NICE kids!

9. This weekend I shall be found in Monaco dharlings...watching the Grand Prix from a very large, posh boat. It's a corporate do and I hate the Grand Prix but I am prepared to give it a go. Noble of me eh?

10. I have always lived with a fear of being alone and/or bored. I don't know where that comes from. If I stop to think about it I actually often have loads of people around me and I do enjoy my own company anyway, and who gets the chance to be bored when you have 3 children? Yet that feeling never quite goes away. Maybe I am odd.

I'd like to pass this award on to;

Moments from Suburbia

French Fancy

Sixtyfivewhatnow

Cystal Jigsaw

Nuts in May

Some days you're the windscreen, some days you're the fly.

2010-04-22T05:32:00.001-07:00

I too had a tummy this flat. Once!

I love my Monday morning pilates class. It took a while for me to get my head around the principles of holding in my pelvic floor tightly whilst letting the rest of my body soften like a rag doll (and not let my mind wonder to the list of jobs and worries I have to attend to that day) but I am eventually getting to grips with the whole concept and in some exercises I am actually quite good. This is not usual for me these days because although I used to be very sporty and fit, nowadays my immune-related arthritis has held me back. Quite a lot. Sometimes when you get pain and stiffness the thought of a visit to the cafe and a frothy coffee seems so much more appealing that kick starting the body into action.

Swimming, walking and pilates are my mainstay and today I attended a new class to up the anti so that I am doing pilates twice a week. I had intended to speak to the teacher before the class began, but wound up delayed and so wasn't able. As we entered a very hot room, a very sinewy, tanned guy with a bald head and what can only be described as an arrogant tone, talked down to us, and that's before we got down on the floor. I nearly balked but took a deep breath and continued. After the warm up he took us into an exercise that requires you to take a lot of weight onto your hands. "Not joining us?" he asked me as I looked to him to enquire for an alternative. I explained breifly and asked if he could give me something different for this set of exercises. "Not really" he replied. I was a bit annoyed as any decent instructor worth their salt can cater for many abilities and my Monday class teacher works at about 4 different levels.

I told him I'd better step out and he said not to worry the rest of the class was exercises the abdominals and the legs so I continued. He then carried on doing more and more exercises that required weight on hands. I felt ridiculous and embarrassed. Apparently he normally teaches yoga and I think he had overdone it and somehow disappeared up his own backside. So OK, he's an idiot. I know that.

I spoke to the other ladies as he made a hasty exit at the finish and they told me they were less than impressed at the treatment I received and then one lady pointed at my hands and said "Oh gosh yes you DO have bad arthritis, look at that, how awful for you!! How long have you had that? I have arthritis from old age but it's nowhere near as bad as that."

OK so she's tactless and insensitive but I was nice and explained what it was and how it began post pregancy but at the same time my heart sank. I suppose in some ways I am used to this kind of thing although most people are far more polite. But it never gets easier. You brush yourself off and move on but there's that slight sinking feeling that remains. Understanding is wonderful and enabling. Pity, no thanks, not for me.

Ill winds and ash winds

2010-04-20T05:17:00.000-07:00

Well here I am blogging from my 5 star hotel room in the Bahama's where I am stranded due to the disruption caused by volcanic ash....

I wish!

Actually I am back in Central England having spent a wonderful week by the Mediterranean and two weeks with my daughter at a clinic for her back condition, scoliosis. All in all it was a very productive and enjoyable few weeks. My daughter actually enjoyed the clinic, met new friends and found the treatment therapeutic in many more ways than we'd expected. Not only is her posture now wonderful, her skin is great from all the deep breathing and water she drank, her joints feel better and she has a much straighter back. She is also taller!

We have acquired a full set of wall bars in our dining room in place of a bookshelf for her daily exercises which the whole family are looking forward to using in various ways. Let's not go there.

As my mother always says 'it's an ill wind that never blows anybody any good.' Sometimes life is surprising; the greatest challenges can reap great rewards.

Let's hope the same can be said of this retched ash. Mr. R needs to fly off to get business going and we have friends stranded in various parts of the world and really needing to get home. One friend left her 17 year old son behind in the UK when she left for Egypt a two weeks ago. She is wondering how she will find things on her return. Mind you he may have learnt to use the washing machine by now....you see there's always a silver lining.

Doctors are not always right..there are people out there who can change your life.

2010-04-08T08:02:00.001-07:00

Here I am in deepest Suffolk, watching my daughter become re sculpted and rehabilitated. She (and I) have learned much about the spine and all that supports it, we have listened carefully to the theory behind re-shaping and re-educating the muscles and the mind that controls them. She has spent hours stretching and strengthening, walking tall, re-aligning her posture, stretching open one side of her rib-cage and re-contracting the other. A derotation of the spine excersice here, a hanging from the bars there, visualisation, deep breathing, core strengthening...every day this week from 10am until 5pm and the same will go for next week and two further weeks in a couple of months time. All amazing and wonderful and if only, only, only all forms of healthcare were this disciplined, holistic, thorough, naturally non-invasive and effective . But sadly no, this is private and we are lucky to be here.

She is working hard and doing well. She is seeing the sense in it all and is glad for the help from people who really know what they are talking about.

I only have time for a brief post and no time, sadly, to read blogs, as I must go back in and learn what my daughter learns because when we leave here, I shall be her coach.

Then the fun really will begin.

Now come on please everyone, no slouching over the computer, shoulders back...and uncross those legs!!!

You told me so.

2010-03-27T07:14:00.000-07:00

If I have known you a while, you will remember the months of worry and unhappiness recounted in some posts here. The two years of unemployment for Mr. R, bullying at school, deaths in the family, moving town blues, ill health, losing our pet..the list goes on. You may also recall all of the messages of encouragement, sympathy, kindness and humour that you proffered to me which really often made a huge difference to how I was feeling.

Of course when you are in the thick of it, people tell you things will get better and it helps you to get through it, but is often so hard to imagine.

Well that day has come. I have hardly dared to blog about how much better things have become for fear of tempting something to go wrong, but of course you can't live that. Hard times, good times...we must live in the moment with the knowledge that things will change, be that a comfort at that time, or to emphasise how we must make the most of our happier times.

There are still a few things to achieve, such as our own 'owned' home and our dog back with us, but now we can plan and move towards those things. We have more control and many positive things to work towards.

The sun is shining here, spring is on the way. Eldest daughter has just stepped out into the sunshine with her lovely new boyfriend, a very bright, clean living, sporty lad who obviously adores her. Middle daughter also just left with six friends to go for a Starbucks for her 14th birthday celebration and they are all coming back here later for tea. Boy Rugby, whom I have always feared hasn't settled well here socially, is on his 3rd social invitation this week. Hoooorah!! He is also suddenly doing exceptionally well at school, as if a light has gone on.

Mr. R is buzzing around in Malta in his new apartment in preparation for us all arriving there tomorrow for a week. Hoorah, hoorah! 26 degrees C ,the ocean, yes the ocean and a whole week together en famille, here we come!

Then the rest of the Easter holidays I shall spend at a private clinic with middle daughter to try and help her scoliosis. Slight scratching of record sound as I come a little way back down to earth.

But NO!!

I'm staying with the moment. I am going to pack. The children will be back and I've left it all a little late because it's always so hectic around here. Busy as I have been, being single parent whilst Mr. R works away, plus the problems of getting on the computer with three homeworking children, my blogging has suffered as a result. I am sorry about this as I would like to do more and visit more. Hopefully after Easter there will be more time but until then...

Have a happy Easter and a happy Springtime

...and for those of you who I know are not having such a good time of it at the moment,

remember, there is always order from chaos, it is the law of nature.

Philosophical Friday

2010-03-19T05:21:00.000-07:00

"There is no completeness without sadness and longing, for without them there is no sobriety, no kindness. Wisdom without kindness, and knowledge without sobriety, are useless."

Carlos Castaneda

I received a card from a friend today and she had written this quote within. By the time we reach Friday my head is usually a little befuddled, so it's took me a few minutes to ponder the meaning. I'm still not sure but I like it, perhaps you will too. Any clues?

Always too little, too late.

2010-03-17T01:46:00.000-07:00

David Cameron, leader of the opposition, has been speaking up recently about the early sexualisation of young children. I guess Mr. Cameron has children of an age when he himself is beginning to be concerned about such matters and therefore this is a personal as well as a politically driven matter.

I remember when I first returned from Canada, about twelve years ago, I was shocked to see very young girls in short skirts and high heels. Even then I remember hearing that thongs were on the UK market for 8 year olds and now apparently the pole for pole dancing is available to go with it. Classy.

Mr. Cameron's remarks are supported by the findings of an in depth report by a renowned psychologist. I wonder how much that cost? I also wonder how many parents like me have known for a long time that the marketing of inappropriate products and images for young children has created a tide of temptation against which most parents are losing the battle to swim against. Why didn't the government save time and money ages ago by just listening to us and then actually do something about this years ago?!

Penny Nichols, director of children and young people at the Children's Society says "We know from our research that premature pressures towards sexualsiation, and unprincipled advertising, are damaging children's well being." Great, another report. Less money for education and health services then. She also goes on to say that they have evidence to say that children don't want all this pressure to look and behave in such an adult way when still very young and that they would prefer not to have the pressure to keep up with all the latest trends.

So now watch them spend another fortune trying to hold back the tide. Make a huge issue of it, draw even more attention to what they don't want children to be drawn towards, police companies with a sledge hammer approach and ram their new principles down our throats.

And whilst I'm having a rant...if you are even still listening. I am so weary of hearing graphic descriptions of violent events on the radio news. Imagine, mum at home with little toddler in the kitchen with the radio on. Good radio is great for children but then the news comes on and describes how a man was stabbed four times in the neck. This happens all the time and it makes us wince and reach for the dial to turn it off as we're driving or doing stuff around the house...how on earth to little children feel when they hear that?

I can write a letter and I am so sick of it now that I will. But we'll have to wait a few more years, give them chance to conduct many expensive reports by experts and then watch, as a noble announcement by a politician comes forth that they, on their white horse, are charging in to save our children from inappropriate exposure to stuff put out there by adults who can't use a bit of common bloody sense.

Excuse my effusive ineloquence. I'm just in that kind of mood.

All loved up

2010-03-15T02:29:00.000-07:00

Mr. R returned home, flight delayed, half an hour after the guests arrived. Having tried to postpone the dinner date it turned out that it would be so long before all families could get together that I decided to go ahead as planned. I borrowed my pal's husband to do the drink duties until Mr. R was home and orientated enough to take over. With the curse of arthritis even opening wine and pop bottles is impossible so I have to borrow hands when mine are no use. My feet were killing me and I really just wanted to be waited upon myself to be honest.

It was great to have the hubster home and we did have a fun with our pals which made all the effort well worth it, although we were both exhausted by Sunday morning when the three children leaped on the bed with cards and gifts for mother's day. Sometimes your family can make you feel so rich. They made a real effort and wrote things in my cards that made me cry. Oh to be loved.

Whilst on the love subject, eldest daughter (16) has been asked out by her boyfriend. This makes Mr. R and I smile in a puzzled-old-parent kind of way. They have been 'seeing each other' for weeks but now they are officially 'going out'. I don't get it, I'm getting old. Someone explain these new levels of dating. No wait, don't, probably best not to know.

Meanwhile Boy Rugby (10) has firmly announced he has decided never to be gay or have a sex change. Well at least something is clear.

Confessions of a Nagging Wife

2010-03-11T00:50:00.001-08:00

I had a blip yesterday. Feeling a bit low anyway and bogged down with a million little but vital jobs to do I had a phonecall from Mr. R to say that he'd now be arriving home Saturday evening, instead of Friday, as he had a meeting in the Middle East in the morning. "Don't worry." he said "I'll be in business class so I'll get some rest and be fresh when I get home." Good for you. My mind can be vicious at times.

I hung up and cried. I know. Not good. I am so grateful he has work and really I'm not a total whimp but it's tough on your own with three kids and of course I do miss his company. We also have two families round for dinner on Saturday night and I cannot cancel as it was booked in January. And I'm tired.

Later that evening I tried to contact him because he hadn't spoken to the children for a while but he was at a business dinner so he promised to call back. I rang again as Boy Rugby was going to bed and I got quite loudly shirty about him not taking a few minutes out to phone. The children have been used to seeing a lot of him lately and now suddenly he's hardly ever here. He was in a taxi with colleagues I later found out and they could hear me nagging. Shit.

Shit.

This is hard. It's good on many levels but it's bloody hard and it always was when he was so full on with work. I couldn't sleep because I felt so awful.

Feast or famine in so many ways.

It's how it is.

P.S.

2010-03-09T00:30:00.000-08:00

The pictures in the previous post are taken from google images as an example, they are not of my daughter.

Wow, then she really would kill me!

xxx

A couple of things...

2010-03-08T06:45:00.000-08:00

As a mother I am always learning new ways to help my children with the array of medical conditions that present themselves to me as they grow. Many minor, a few not so minor. More and more I tend to end up doing a lot of my own research and coming up with 'alternatives' to try and aid whatever symptoms present themselves. There are a couple of things I would like to share because it may help someone reading or someone you know. They are small things but can make quite a difference to the sufferers life.

First up, one of my daughters suffered terrible dandruff and mouth ulcers during her early teens. Nothing seemed to work that the doctor or chemist offered so I did a bit of digging and found a common possible trigger - sodium lauryl sulphate. It is a chemical found in most shampoos and toothpastes and can cause both of these symptoms. Since discovering this I have bought her laurel sulphate free toothpaste and shampoo from the health shop and she is completely free of both problems.

Next a more serious condition that I've mentioned before - scoliosis. When I was a child we always had a nurse that came into school for various check ups, one of which was a simple test for this condition which is particularly prevalent in teenage girls. The test involves the child bending forward to reveal any deformity of the shoulder blade and ribcage which can be easily missed when the child stands straight. It is such a simple procedure and if caught early scoliosis can be treated with braces, physiotherapy or an operation. Left untreated the condition may not worsen and many people live perfectly normal lives with scoliosis, but it can develop to a point where severe pain and deformity occur.

Please if you do have children of your own or in your life do check or ask a doctor to check occasionally for this condition. It affects about three children in every thousand. I have no idea why the schools have stopped performing simple medical checks such as these.

As I said in my last post I am hoping to avoid a nine hour operation for my daughter by taking her to a private clinic for some very intense physiotherapy and exercise that will help, though not cure, her condition. In some countries, I am told, this is always the first line of action, here in the UK, it is not offered as an option on the NHS. The orthopedic surgeons adopt a 'watch and wait' policy and then operate if the condition becomes unbearable for the patient, either cosmetically or because of pain. We are hoping to avoid a potentially dangerous 9 hour operation to insert metal rods down her back.

When the time comes, I'll let you know how it goes.

Spinning

2010-03-04T02:57:00.000-08:00

On Monday but I had to take my daughter for a lengthy back consultation in the city centre. Hours later we returned with bad news. The condition worse, an operation likely.

My head is spinning with a cold bug I have and also with the juggling of family issues.

I think I have found an alternative treatment to an operation for her and this will mean two lots of two week treatments, monday to friday, 9 to 5. I've just booked her in for the Easter hols for the first course. She is going to KILL me. She''ll see sense, eventually. I hope. I have to dig deep for the powers of persuasion and failing that, pacification.

Then there's what to do with Boy Rugby, eldest daughter during that time. Mother!!! Thank goodness I can call on her. She will step in to hold the fort but she will have to bring my reluctant father and both our and their dog. I have decided not to tell the Landlord. It's an emergency.

We didn't ask yet for the return of Charlie because my mum is insisting that I have enough on my plate at the moment and that it would be best for me if he remains with them until Spring at least. For this I am grateful as the house we rent has an enormous Magnolia tree in the garden which has nothing but mud beneath it (imagine how Charlie would love to play in that) and the fence will cost £500 to make it dog proof. Not money we wish to freely spend on a rented place, as much as I miss our pooch.

The mouths of teens

2010-02-28T04:54:00.000-08:00

We went out with some friends last night. They are the parents of eldest daughter's best friend (16). As they congratulated Mr. R on his good news the mum turned to me and said.

"You know Elle (her daughter) told me D was working in Libya as well as Malta this week." Then apparently her daughter went on to enquire earnestly "But mum isn't that a part of your vagina?"

Bless. You couldn't make it up could you?!

Week One of Husband Employed.

2010-02-26T03:24:00.000-08:00

I am glad it's Friday. Glad my hubs will be home this evening. Happy I won't have to sleep alone, I have bad dreams when I sleep alone these days. Looking forward to hearing all his news. Our telephone conversations have been brief, usually interrupted by a knock on the door by a chambermaid (him) or a knock on the door by a 17 year old lad who has just this minute passed his driving and wants to take our 16 year old daughter for a drive (me).

The children have missed him which quite frankly he seems thrilled about because being stressed and depressed whilst spending month after month looking for work does not endear the nicest of Dads to the children and sometimes things between them were a little strained of late.

My week has been busy and full and it's mainly at night I begin to pine a little, also those moments when I wish I were back up north with my mum round the corner and a abundance of good friends. At those times I force my mind to tell itself what I like about living here and remind myself that it's only been two and a half years, that it will get better the longer time goes on and especially once we buy our own place.

My mind is far to quick to plan distribution of the financial incomings once they arrive. A woman starved of a spending spree for nearly two years is a very dangerous thing and once I am unleashed the economic recession could well find itself marginally relieved of it's woes.

I do have to say though, it didn't take Mr. R long to revert to type either. Last evening I was dealing with Boy Rugby and some tricky maths homework, giving lifts to and from activities for 16 year old and amidst all this found my 13 year old in floods of tears, apparently suffering a teenage confidence crisis.. All this whilst clearing up dinner, answering the door to salesmen, answering the phone to salesmen and trying to get everyone to tidy up before a rental inspection today.

As this was going on a text message from a family friend, but addressed to the hubster, came through on my phone regarding the sorting of various squash matches for husbands and sons on Saturday. I phoned the hubs explaining that it had been sent to me in error. He was in a hotel restaurant in Malta with views overlooking the ocean eating a meal. Nice. He explained he'd forwarded the message to me to see if I could sort it out, book a court and speak to his friend.

Yes love. Of course I can.

Stick a broom up my bum and I'll sweep the floor as well.

I thought.

How about you make a couple of calls I sweetly suggested.

Yes, sorry, of course I will.

He knows what's good for him. He'll be fed tonight.

Annoucement!

2010-02-23T04:52:00.000-08:00

I have to make this a brief post as I am on the run to an appointment.

I had to let you know though.

Contract signed.

Mr. R in the air as I type.

I do mean literally not metaphorically.

We should be giddy with excitement but to be honest after all this time, we take a very boring and conservative, 'let's see how it goes' attitude, for now at least.

For those of you who have had trouble times, you'll know what I mean.

Deep down though I am allowing myself to feel a little like this.

Thank you blogging friends for your support and encouragement. For being there and telling me it'll all be OK. I wish we could all have more than a virtual glass of champagne. xxx

Light at the end of the tunnel

2010-02-11T06:43:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, I said I'd be hanging up my blogging wellies...but then I had so many sweet words of encouragement that I pondered as to what exactly is my problem and have decided that I am possibly just too self critical about what and how I write. I also think I've been depressed. Having a place to vent has obviously been helpful because of all the support that blogging friends offer, so I will just have to get over my guilt about leaving negative vibes out on the ether net. I shall just be me, warts and all, because you lot are obviously a very kind, sweet, tolerant bunch and anyway....I couldn't possibly disappear without giving you this little bit of news...

Mr. Reasons has a job offer.

It's been nearly two years.

It's a really good job.

Or so it seems.

I am a cautious person these days.

I hardly dare type the words, because he has yet to go through the contract in detail and he is doing so so today, but the company concerned are obviously very keen to have him join them and he will most likely be starting on Monday. This is a job that will take him away a lot. We shall need to adjust and I know it won't be easy on some levels but I am so happy for him and for us as a family because this will mean that we can begin to plan for the future again, driving lessons for the up and coming 17 year old, singing lessons for the talented 13 year old, trips to visit Mr. Reasons where he will be based in Malta..where he and Boy Rugby can sail in the Mediterranean. Eventually perhaps our own home again and our beloved hound home to us.

This time last year I wrote my first blog. My daughter was in hospital, Mr. R unemployed and we had two family funerals to attend. I felt so swamped I didn't have time to focus on my own health issues at all and was constantly fire fighting the day-to-day problems. Finally I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel and my spirits are beginning to lift. With a little space to breathe I think I can be strong enough to make the most of all we have.

Possible chances and a farewell

2010-02-02T01:49:00.000-08:00

Phone calls and meetings have been going on between Mr. R and various companies. Nothing is certain but things are being said that could lead to a job, maybe even two offers are on the cards, one permanent, one a short term contract. I can sense the momentum gathering and my gut tells me that although you cannot believe anything until you see a contract signed, this time something is going to happen. Of course this is badly needed at this point in our lives and it is so good to see him enthused and more confident.

But of course there is a but. One of these possible opportunities will take him overseas for ten days, home for four. I should be feeling excited and optimistic for him and in some ways I really do but at the same time I know deep down there is also a heavy price to pay for this. Raising three children is difficult enough with two parents, with one it's twice as hard, but when that parent has health challenges by the plenty, is living in a town with no family, has friends yes, but little in terms of support network for the children because the move took place when they were older and those types of bonds tend to take place when they are little, a huge challenge may be ahead.

In reality I'm used to big challenges but I am weary of facing them these days and dealing with the consequences to my health. This could be bitter sweet.

On another note, I have popped back to say that I think I am getting on for about 100 posts and it must be a year since I started blogging. Lately it has been more difficult to visit other bloggers and post my own because we are currently down to one computer on our house and with a job-searching hubby and three children doing homework, facebook, youtube, star wars games...well you get the picture...I don't get to tap away that much. So I do apologise if I haven't visited very often. This may be a good point to call it a day.

Also, I don't feel my blog is very, how can I put it, focused or offering anything of any great use. Perhaps my ability to write has dwindled; my brain is a haze of worries and plans to improve our lives, not surprising perhaps, but when I look back at my posts I don't feel there is much point to what I write.

So that's all from me folks. I'll be popping by to visit YOU though!

Book Therapy

2010-01-26T03:38:00.000-08:00

When we lived in Montreal our winters were spent cross country skiing and skating. You could skate on the lakes or drive to the canal in Ottawa, some people would be dressed in their work clothes and be skating to and from the many government buildings near the canal side where they worked.

In the North East of England our winters would be spent wrapping up warm and braving the elements as we took walks in the Yorkshire moors bracing ourselves against the icy northerly winds on the seafront.

Nowadays we are more town folk. The local park is our convenient green space and the longer jaunts seem to be left for the warmer months. As a result of that I seem to be returning to my book worm days and will curl up by the fire, a hot drink and a cosy lamp nearby, I dip into books for comfort and I've just noticed what a strange assortment of books I have in this pile by the fireplace.

Being slightly Bridget Jones I dusted off the self help books from the shelf. "Life Audit" tells me to "Put a jumper on and get over it!" Encouraging one to be "..personally more resourceful and responsible in trying to solve your own life's dilemmas." The theories are all sound but it seems, (and don't laugh) that perhaps I am not as barking as I tend to think I am because much of the advice I have already self administered and the rest of it was a little cuckoo.

Then I have the newly ordered "Three-Dimensional Treatment for Scoliosis" by C. Schroth. This is the book I know can solve my daughter's back problems if I can only find a therapist to carry out the treatment she needs without spending thousands of pounds and deserting the rest of the family to spend four weeks solid at a clinic in London.

Next up, "The Magazine Article. How to think it, plan it, write it." Why? Because I thought I could turn an article that I wrote for a specialist magazine into something for mainstream consumption. Very interesting but it doesn't do if for you...as my mother would say. So it's on the 'to do' list.

Then of course the answer to so many evils "Chi Kung for Health and Vitality". Apparently most major diseases can be cured by practising this ancient art in the correct way. I do practice each Friday but the real benefits come with regular practice (which probably means daily, not my meagre one hour followed by a large cappuccino).

I'm not looking too good here am I?

"Good Food for Friends", was taken from the library to try and inspire me to invite a few more people round and make and effort. It does say 'easy entertaining' - I like that idea and this one I used did put into practice on Friday night with a couple of people I've been meaning to invite over. Say good girl Joanne.

The Joanna Trollope book sent to me by a friend is taking a back seat as it's about a woman pining and whining for her grown up children who have left home and I find it a little depressing. So I may ditch that one to read a new book just arrived, fresh from Amazon entitled "Another Alice" which is the diary of a young girl's battle to overcome rheumatoid arthritis. "Brave and beautiful" it says on the title, I like that.

Finding Courage

2010-01-20T05:47:00.001-08:00

Eldest daughter seems to have recovered well from her episode of being harassed by the bullies in town. I am relieved and happy that she, although initially upset, seems to have bounced back quickly and even spent some time in the town on her own again on Saturday. Middle daughter was amazingly supportive and encouraging towards her and I feel she is so much stronger and balanced than when it all happened before. I suppose her perspective has widened; she has really come across a broad social spectrum of people living here and perhaps that helps her to rationalise their behaviour for what it is. Changing schools, types of education, new places, she has learned so well to fit in with people from many different backgrounds. Stuff those losers!(who probably do need love as you so rightly say dear Lori Times Five, but they won't be getting any of mine!).

I shouldn't wobble so quickly. Our focus has to remain strong. Mr. R must find suitable employment and the children must get on with their education. I am supporting all of them so must nurture myself in order to be strong for them, and to find time for this, I have to be organised! There is no going back, we have to make the best of what we have.

Mr. R seems to have recovered some of his mojo which had gone missing for a while over Christmas and New Year and is attacking the job market with a vengeance. He is still to have any contracts, although a couple of small things have been promised verbally, I do think once they are up and running it could lead to more. Leg on the ladder and all that.

Having got through the house move and to the other side of the holiday season I have got round to having some business cards printed to try and teach English (as a foreign language) from home. The health problems make it hard for me to work in the college, I have accepted that now, so it's on to plan B. Tomorrow it's advertising and distribution day...we shall see what happens.

Much time has been spent so far this week researching scoliosis, as my middle daughter suffers from this condition, and whilst the consultant sneered at my suggestion of physiotherapy, it does seem that in many countries this is thought of as one of the best forms of therapy. I fear it's probably an issue of lack of resources with the NHS and we may have to wait until we can do something privately. Meanwhile I continue to educate myself about the condition as much as possible.

I am still bracing myself to ask our landlord about the dog. I am fearful that should he say no, the door will be closed and am therefore being a total coward. I would like to have him home by half term. Perhaps I'll say it's a temporary thing and then once he realises that he is clean and well behaved he won't mind so much. Yes, I'm still talking about the dog!

So life plods on in the Reason's household. Never enough hours in the day nor money in the bank but we have a roof over our head, food in the cupboards and love in our hearts. Reasons to be cheerful 1, 2, 3.

Bloggers for Haiti

2010-01-19T01:39:00.000-08:00

Diary of a Desperate Exmoor Wife's blog yesterday appealed for help in raising money in order to send Shelter Boxes to Haiti. I thought it such a great way to harness the goodwill of the blogging community that I would like to use Jane's example and encourage anyone who feels they would like to help the plight of the Haitian people to please take a look at the website.

Each shelterbox contains:

* A ten person tent

* Thermal blankets and insulated ground sheets

* Water purification kit

* Tool kit

* Stove

* Pans, utensils, bowls, mugs, water storage containers

The box itself can be of great practical use, from water storage to baby's cot.

To donate, just click on

http://www.justgiving.com/Bloggers-For-Haiti

Every little helps.

Crossroads

2010-01-15T03:38:00.000-08:00

I feel I may be at a crossroads. I have always hankered to move back to the north east since moving to the Midlands two and a half years ago. Job loss and bullying have made the move far more complicated and difficult but every now and then something happens and you think actually we're going to be OK, hope rises, nice things happen, you meet new friends... some good days...it'll work out, we just have to be patient.

Then there was Wednesday...

My eldest daughter was bullied and had such a bad time when we first came. A group of girls who'd befriended her turned against her and made her life hell. We got involved with the school; head of year and eventually head teacher were aware and supposedly dealing with the situation, parents of the bullies were informed, but it was all handled very badly (to cut a very long story short) and in the end they just made things much, much worse.

We tried to put her into another school, even winning an appeal wherein the council were "appalled" at the way our daughter had been treated and they way the school had failed her. In the end we couldn't send her to the school that we'd won her a place for because the bullies had infiltrated and influenced the girls there, spreading rumours and setting some against our daughter before she even had a chance.

We took the decision (as hubby was still employed then) to put her into a private school and there she has thrived, making many friends which is the norm for her and working hard.

It took her a long time to pluck up the courage to walk around our town on her own, for fear of these children shouting abuse (this is not even a rough area!) but eventually she became secure enough to do so and was showing real signs of confidence again.

Then on Wednesday she left the town library where she'd been revising for her exams and as she walked through town a large group of children from her old school began to shout abuse at her. She called me in tears and came home distraught.

Over a year later, they still won't leave her alone. It has obviously set her back again. Although she recovered much quicker than she ever used to, the scars are open again.

It makes me reel and want to return to the home I knew and loved. The trouble is, in reality, we've moved on. My middle daughter is happy here and moving will be difficult for her, both socially and academically. Mr. R is closer to London and can travel easily to look for work.

If we do it, it has to be done by the summer. Boy Rugby will begin secondary school in September and eldest daughter will start sixth form college. Trouble is, I'm now scared of change, not for me, but for them. Is this what life does to you? Makes you cautious and afraid? Do you keep braving the waves and ride the storm, or do you go back to that safe haven in the rocks?

Snow and blessings

2010-01-13T05:07:00.000-08:00

Montreal

Some kind of divine intervention must have come into play when we were forced to move from our rented house into another rented abode just before Christmas. The amount of stress and hassle I have managed to avoid because of the fact that we now live within walking distance of the three different schools the children attend, has been a real bonus; the heavy snowfall having made travel difficult for so many.

As I walked through the park to school with Boy Rugby this morning I was reminded of our six winters in Montreal, Canada and marvelled at how well we coped during during those months, day in and day out of heavy snow fall; today I felt tired just walking through it - but the beauty of the snowy scene, just breathtaking.

We have settle in reasonably well, although it does feel 'rented' this place as it's decor is more tired than our previous home and of course we do miss our beloved dog - Charlie. He is mostly to be found positioned in front of my parents' ever-on gas fire and occasionally will roll from one side to the other to make sure his body is in a permanent state of toasty warm. Missing us? Don't really think so.

I am grateful that the snow gives us a reason to get outside with the children, otherwise our once frequent walks were dwindling now we are Charlieless - not that it would stop me walking, but the children just feel a void when he's not with us. I have yet to find a good time to approach our landlord about changing his mind with regard to letting us have him here; having lost his wife and mother this year I didn't think Christmas would be a safe bet, and since then I think the difficulties caused by the snow may also make it a bad time to ask.

Meanwhile Mr. R has a small work opportunity. Nothing of the scale he is experienced for and capable of, but an opportunity nonetheless. Perhaps the tides are turning at last and soon we will be able to build more of life for ourselves here and plan things for the future.

Let It Snow!

2010-01-05T12:47:00.000-08:00

I found myself shouting at the TV last night. This is not customary for me, if I disapprove I may mutter or seethe quietly but (and this could well be hormones coming into play or just play grumpidom) this time I full on shouted at the BBC 10 p.m. news readers.

Please tell me why do they call it news anymore? OK so it snowed. Quite a lot. Some people don't know how to drive in snow and the council are pretty ad hoc about gritting but please spare me the sensationalism. "Later there will be more accidents" Hello? Is that news or a crystal ball reader I hear before me? "Don't drive without a spade, a high visibility jacket, some sandwiches...." Oh what do I put in my sandwiches? Tuna? Ham? Do I have plain or cheese and onion crisps with them?

Oh and why is it snowing?...and when did it last snow so much?...and perhaps it's because of this, that or the other.

I just want the NEWS. Please. Give me the facts. I'm a grumpy old woman, I don't need to know how bad it may get. Anyway, who says it's all bad. "Terrible weather" they say. Ask my 10 year old, he wouldn't say it's terrible. Right now he's flying down a hill somewhere with his Dad and an Indian lady who was passing by on her lunch break.

Also, he knows how to do factual writing. So there.

A very Happy New Year to you all.

I'm sure the BBC will be able to fill you in on whether or not it'll be a good one.

Wishing You a Merry Christmas & a Bloody Good New Year! xxx

2009-12-20T00:43:00.000-08:00

Leaving a rented house is a stressful and time-consuming matter. The last bits and pieces retreived from garden and garage...windows, oven, bathrooms are now sparkling, hedges trimmed, carpets cleaned, floors mopped and all this whilst trying to settle into our new place and do some Christmas preparations.

Then there's the little matter of getting one's deposit back...there's another story and one I suspect many will be familiar with. Still, peace and good will to all, including ex-landlords and let's have a little of it this way if they can muster it.

It's been quite a year. I know many people who are finding things tough, loss of jobs, worries about health care, the environment; my poor Lakeland pal is still coming to terms with her loss, everywhere you look there are people struggling.

I suppose life is a struggle, full of ups and downs. The older you get - the more you witness and experience and as my mum always says, the alternative to getting older is not that good! So we may as well get on with it.

What I wish for everyone this Christmas is a bit of fun. Whatever you do over the holiday season, whether you celebrate Christmas or not, I wish you warmth, friendship and good dose of belly laughs with tears down the cheeks. Please do that for me and if those around you can't crack you up - rent a movie.

I am off for an overdue browse around to visit as many blogs as I can manage, then I'm loading my sleigh and heading up,up away to visit inlaws, outlaws, outcasts...oh and my mum.

New beginnings

2009-12-08T08:41:00.000-08:00

Comfy? Have a biscuit. Milk? It's good to have a sit down and a chat...my feet are killing me. Thank you for the good wishes, they worked a treat.

So here's the thing. I was dreading this move. You know that beacause I whinged about it quite frequently. But you know what? It's fine. The move was stressful, five people and a dog accumulate a lot of stuff and as we moved into a smaller property it did lead to a few head scatching moments. That is until I reaslised the removal man had gone purple and was sweating profusly and so I hurried my decision, usually with "Ah stick it in the garage/garden/shed for now." Or in fact on one occassion when we realised two arm chairs were absolutely not going to make it in I asked jokingly "Would you like them?" To which he replied yes and back in the truck they went. Yet I am surprised how comfortable I already feel in this new place, I like the energy here and the children love the fact that they are a walk through the park to school.

Most importantly, we're in, and fear not because the most hectic day of all was friday and my thirteen year old came home for the first time to the new house and reappeared with her nails painted as is her tradition on the weekend. Just in case you were concerned we might let standards slip in the chaos. There am I and Mr. Reasons, nose deep in boxes, four removal men still on the go, house freezing cold because it's artic outside and the doors been open all afternoon and she manages to find nail varnish along with the time and will to apply it. Quite a feat.

At the end of the day we flopped in a heap and opened up the bottle of red wine, sent with two glasses from my Lakeland Pal who has lost everything except two bookcases in the Cumbrian floods. We toasted her and her husband who are up there with nothing, whilst we are down here trying to cram all of ours in somehow.

See you on the other side..

2009-12-03T00:50:00.001-08:00

Moving day has arrived. Sadly I've neglected my blog and visiting all of you because...well it's been darn hectic around here! Plus a well known large telecommunications company cut of my broadband for a week, deciding I was moving a week earlier than the actual date, bless 'em. In the desperate end I used nepotism and had my brother, who works for them, step in and get me back on line. Thus the hasty hello before I go to the land of unpacking boxes.

Back soon with a full report. Have the kettle on.

Sparing many thoughts...

2009-11-23T01:52:00.001-08:00

Back in May I wrote a post about a wonderful weekend I'd spend with my Lakeland Pal in Cumbria. This weekend my heart goes out to her and all who, like her, have been flooded from their homes. She was rescued on Friday from an upstairs window and has spent the weekend trying to find somewhere to live with her husband and dog. I cannot imagine what they must be going through and we are all thinking of them and sending much love.

This preys on my mind, but still so do my own problems. Mr. Reasons had a fourth interview with a company last week, he did very well in the interviews, excelled in two of the tests and messed up a verbal reasoning test. This morning he got a call to say although that they'd all been ready to hire him on the basis of the interviews, but that rules were rules and he didn't meet the benchmark on one test. He is obviously extremely upset as he can do the job standing on his head. This is hard. I really do think the world is going slightly mad.

I am preparing to move house next week and the reality of it all has hit me and I feel like I am wading through treacle whilst at the same time knowing I am lucky to have somewhere warm and dry to go and live. Cupboards must be cleared and my already sorry arthritic hands are complaining. I must pace myself and be organised, this is the only way forward.

The advice about bullying I am so grateful for. I only wish I'd been blogging when this happened the first time around. My daughter for now is coping well. I am coaching her and keeping a close eye. For now I think the bullying is mainly directed towards her friend and my daughter is sticking close and supporting her. There seems to be another group of girls who the are gravitating towards and although I don't think the other girls will give up easily I do believe any involvement my me at the moment may just make things worse.

So blah! Life's a struggle at times isn't it folks?

Female Passive Agression

2009-11-17T01:45:00.000-08:00

Dear Aunty Blog,

I don't know what to do. My 13 year old daughter started at Secondary school when we moved to a new area and seemed to settle in fine, made friends easily and has been happy there.

My older daughter went into year nine at the same school (at that time aged 13) and had an awful time. She was badly bullied and as a result we had to move her to a private school where she has been fine since. The school were totally inept at dealing with the situation and despite my daughter having no problems prior or since her experience at the school, they were in total denial about her being bullied and even seem to favour protecting the bullies.

Now my younger daughter is experiencing problems too. One of her 'friends' has brought a group of new girls to join their friendship circle but seems to have decided she doesn't want my daughter (or one of her other friends) around anymore. She is loud, rude, she excludes them and this weekend the situation got worse.

Six of the girls, including my daughter went to Birmingham City centre for the ill-fated free xmas light concert. We didn't really want her to go but after much begging we agreed but only once the i's had been dotted and the t's crossed - i.e. stick together, spare cash in the bra, times agreed for coming home etc.

Not long after arriving in town I received a call to say the 'leader' and two others had gone off and that my daughter and her two friends (one of which is the other one who seems less favoured by the 'leader') were trying to find them.

To cut a long story short the other girls made it impossible for them to find each other and due to the disastrous organisation of the concert which was cancelled due to health and safety, my daughter and her two friends were brought home in a car by one of her friend's mother.

Prior to this I'd called the 'leader' who was not answering her phone to the other girls and asked her to call them. I also asked her about the fact that she'd been saying she was going to get the bus home when it had been agreed that they would all get the train. She denied this and then called my daughter and made up lots of lies about things I was supposed to have said to her.

That evening 'the leader's' mother called to ask if my daughter was OK, she said that they had obviously had a fall out and would all have their own version of events but that her daughter wanted to forget about it all and move on. I agreed that my daughter would want to do the same and for their to be no accusations on either side.

When my daughter got to school yesterday morning she said 'hi' to everyone however she quickly found out that 'leader' had spread rumours around the whole friendship circle, including those who weren't there and had the whole story twisted. My daughter and her friend spent lunch on their own and many of the girls are ignoring or whispering about them. The third girl who was with my daughter at the concert decided, once she'd see how the 'leader' had manipulated the situation, jumped right back in with her by saying it was all a misunderstanding . This is because she was so worried about how all the other girls had become involved and feared being shuned by the group so she is not getting the same treatment as the other two.

I tossed and turned last night wondering how bad this will get. It has been building up to this for a while and I am so worried that my daughter will end up being bullied as my eldest daughter was. I want to call the mother of the 'leader' and inform her about her daughter's antics but deep down I know it will only make things worse. Yet it is so hard to stand back and watch. One of the problems I see with the culture in the school is that the children all seem to have very set friendship groups so if you are shoved out of one by a bully, it is hard to break into other circles - jealousy and control seem to be the order of the day.

Am I right to stand back and support her from afar or should I wade in and try to nip it in the bud?

Yours,

A Worried Mum

Grumpy old woman

2009-11-11T07:16:00.000-08:00

I went to visit the house we're going to move into this morning. We shall be off on the 3rd of next month and we've all been pretending it's not really going to happen. Having been and seen it again I feel a bit better about it. It's not a patch on where we are now but it's clean and sufficient in terms of space, in a good location and will cost us less in rent and heating bills.

The big downer - not bringing the dog - is still worrying me. Boy Rugby still doesn't know and I haven't found the right time....yes I'm a coward.

The landlord was there today. At first he wasn't really going to engage with us, then we got chatting and he told us a lot about himself. How his mother used to live in the house, how she got ill and they were going to move in with her so they had an extension built but then she became too ill before it was finished so they moved her into a nursing home where she died soon after. How his wife was then diagnosed with MS and sadly passed away this June and he is now not able so sleep... I hardly felt able to bother him with our pet issue and have decided to broach it once we've moved in and perhaps established more of a relationship with him. Poor guy, he was really hurting.

I am pretending that Christmas is not really happening next month as I imagine are most people who find themselves having to move in December and would be grateful if Costa Coffee would not play Christmas music during the quick 20 minutes I spend chatting with a friend in town. Per-lease! As if that isn't bad enough we have Argos ramming toy adverts at us and the card shops practically bereft of anything except Santa cards - woe betide anyone who decides to get married or sick or need to be thanked from October onwards - it's CCCHHRRRISTMAS!!!! Bah humbug!

Oh and what about Halloween? What ever happened to scary please? My teenage daughters went out as the most glamorous witches I've ever seen. Sparkly hotpants, high heels and false eyelashes? Boo!!! Feeling scared Mum...?

No, just OLD.

Go! Fight! Win!

2009-10-21T01:03:00.000-07:00

It is gradually dawning on me how much we will miss our beloved pet Charlie when he goes to live with my parents - four hours away - when we move into our new rented house. I knew it wouldn't be easy of course, but at the moment I am acutely aware of how often the children turn to him. He's an unconditional friend, always there for them, pleased to greet them on their return from school, cuddle them by the fire, play games in the garden and even facilitate the earning of pocket money by cheerfully agreeing to be walked. What a star.

During some of our bleakest times I have turned to him too, a good walk with the dog lifts the spirits, offers exercise and fresh air. I shall always be a walker, but it won't be the same without him. I hope my mum copes with him and am grateful she's agreed to have him. Let's hope she knows what she's let herself in for!

I suppose it also marks another (albeit temporary) goodbye. Life seems to have closed in since we left the north two and a half years ago. More doors have closed than have opened.

Each time we have had to deal with a goodbye - to family, home, job, healthcarers, the glue that binds us five gets stronger. We're not happier for it, life is difficult and has been for a while now, but as a unit we have to support each other more and more.

It's strange when you can't plan for the future but the flip side of it is that you stay very much in the now. I just comfort myself with the thought that this has to be a numbers game. If Mr. Reason's applies for enough jobs, eventually his number will come up. If we've eaten the house money and our furniture by then, there's nothing I can do about it. We begin from scratch. I just hold on to the fact that I have my family. My reasons to be cheerful.

Perhaps going ever so slightly mad...

2009-10-16T01:31:00.000-07:00

Cathartic though it is to write about our difficulties, sometimes it is tiring to be aware of how bad things are and may yet be, so for a while I have promised myself I will only post about good things that are happening. So you won't be hearing from me for a while.

Joke.

Today I did a wonderful Qigong class with my very treasured Parisienne Pal and we ate poached eggs and drank tea afterwards. The sun is shining and later my exuberant 10 year old will return from a weeks trip away. I will make his favourite meal of shrimp, rice and veg. I know, it's not exactly the norm for a 10 year old boy but stems from days by the beach at his aunt's beach house at Alligator Point in Florida. Happy days.

Autumn Baby (16 on Sunday) is bouncing around the place like Tigger because she loves birthdays, hers in particular, and shines with happiness.

Also, I want to thank Lori and Rosario for the award above and ask you all to please accept it if you don't have it already. This award is an acknowledgement of womanhood and sisterhood. I can't tell you how much your support has meant to me lately, please take the award and post it on your blog. Honorary sisters have to include Dagenham Dave and Rob-Bear...all helping to ensure I am only slightly mad instead of totally barking.

There.

I did OK didn't I?

Not a whinge in sight.

What made you smile today?

Between a rock and hard place

2009-10-15T02:47:00.000-07:00

Boy Rugby has been away on a school trip all week. He hasn't really enjoyed school very much recently and has had two school changes to endure since our move from the north so I am hoping it is all going well. No mobile phones were allowed which I am grateful for because if he'd called and sounded fed up I would have worried. All will be revealed when he returns, no doubt tired but hopefully happy, tomorrow.

Last night I took advantage of the youngest being away and went out for the evening with Spring Baby (13) to see "UP" the new Walt Disney animation.

As is typical of Walt Disney animation the story was about as far fetched as can be but the characters were real; the old guy was grumpy but sweet with a history he held dear to his heart, the boy was needy and irritating at times, but loyal and gutsy. The story...triumph over adversity...oh yes you can see why it hit the spot can't you? Keep going, never give up, don't look back... We all have times in our lives when we need to heed this advice.

Mr. Reasons is away today on the second stage of an interview. He's had one already for this job, done a challenge and psychometric test on-line and today it's a four hour interview. I have to be honest I don't hold out much hope. I know, I know, that's not like me. It's defeatist and negative and of course I would never say as much to him. Yet the truth is he is between a rock and a hard place; too experienced for many jobs and out of work too long for others, in a market with talent applying for positions in their hundreds. The company employs psychiatrists to peer deep inside your soul then they write reports on their findings, picking apart your every strength and weakness. I honestly don't know how he does it.

Giving up of course is not an option though. You can only keep trying. Over and over, until one day...the news will be good.

Once we have moved house again I will take on more work (health permitting) to help ease the burden, but our family set up has always been that he works long and far and I worked in and close to the home, teaching English to foreign students. My contribution will not be enough.

I feel so sad that he has been forced into this situation. I know he is not alone, there are many many people out there in the same and worse positions. Here's hoping for all of them, for their careers, their self esteem, their families and their security.

Over the top

2009-10-13T02:57:00.000-07:00

Lovely Ribbon of Fragments, Treasures, Memory has fowarded the following award and a challenge to answer some questions with just one word. Here goes:

1. Where is your cell phone? Nearby

2. Your hair? Blonde

3. Your mother? Caring

4. Your father? Rut

5. Your favorite food? Outside

6. Your dream last night? Forgotten

7.Your favorite drink? Champagne

8. Your dream/goal? Security

9. What room are you in? Dining

10. Your hobby? Blogging

11. Your fear? Poverty

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Undecided

13. Where were you last night? Home

14. Something that you aren't? Relaxed

15. Muffins? Nah

16. Wish list item? Job

17. Where did you grow up? UK

18. Last thing you did? Housework

19. What are you wearing? Greys

20. Your TV? Off

21. Your pets? Dog

22. Friends? Far

23. Your life? Complicated

24. Your mood? Impatient

25. Missing someone? Tom

26. Vehicle? Citroen

27. Something you're not wearing? Rings

28. Your favorite store? Health

29. Your favorite color? Green

30. When was the last time you laughed? Today

31. Last time you cried? Yesterday

32. Your best friend? Schoolfriend

33. One place that I go to over and over? Canal

34. One person who emails me regularly? Brother

35. Favorite place to eat? Moroccan

Please feel free to help yourself to the award and the challenge. Sorry to be a lazy Blogger but I'm still a little under the weather. Turns out my bug was food poisoning and it's taking a while to recover.

Other news is we found a house. The paperwork is yet to be signed and there is a major, major drawback. The landlord won't accept pets in the house. Chaz will have to stay with my parents until we have our own home. The children are very unhappy, Boy Rugby has gone away on a weeks school trip and I delayed telling him that it was most likely going to happen, for obvious reasons. I have that little chesnut to deal with when he returns.

Forty Four and Thinner

2009-10-06T03:53:00.000-07:00

Things didn't go quite as planned this weekend. As I was driving up the motorway I felt shivery and unwell. That night I was struck down by some awful gastro bug and have been pretty much flat out ever since. So no birthday hangover and I've lost a bit of weighted - hey who said I never look on the bright side?

Mr. R had to return home the with children in his car which he had because he'd joined us after an interview elsewhere. Myself and Chaz the dog remain up north because I'm still just too ill to drive. Hopefully tomorrow I will be well enough to travel and can return home in time for our wedding anniversary.

It seems that so far they have managed well at home without me. Mr. R made a beef stew last night and managed to refrain from adding hot spices right at the last minute. He's really learning. Boy Rugby got to school with sandwiches and clean underpants and the girls did some washing - so what do you know? Miracles can happen! Mind you they've had one day...

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If anyone knows of Suburbia's e/mail address, could they please drop me a comment with it on. Her blog has gone private and I didn't have time to pop over there and nab her details to reach her. Thank you!

Where's the sand?

2009-10-01T05:29:00.000-07:00

So here we are, October again. My birthday tomorrow, our wedding anniversary next week and Autumn baby turns sweet sixteen in a couple of weeks.

Forty four years old. No home in twelve weeks. That realisation woke me up last night. I have a grey streak that is growing as fast as my kids. Jobless husband. Did I mention that by the way? A teenager that wants ice sculptures and bouncers on the door for her birthday party. OK I exaggerate. A bit.

So I have decided in true ostrich fashion to bury my head for the weekend. I will steal my children away from their school desks at lunchtime tomorrow and run for the hills. Well actually drive up the M1, but there will be hills and apron strings for me to cling to. And knowing my dear old ma, probably cake too.

Have a lovely weekend whatever you do and watch out for those spiders in the bed!

Life's rich tapestry

2009-09-28T12:20:00.000-07:00

For me the beginning of autumn always brings excitement to the air; September sunshine coupled with those cooler snaps, bright berries and autumn leaves; the changing season definitely floats my boat. So perhaps that's why I began, late last week, to feel a seed of optimisim growing within. Something was telling me that things are going to change soon and for the better. Also we found a house we could rent and Mr. Reasons had almost a full week of interviews.

Maybe good company lifted my spirits too. My Parisenne Pal's friends invited us all for lunch on Sunday. In this little modern house, on a housing estate in the Midlands we entered a little piece of exported France. Two kisses on the cheek, the children included, boys shaking hands, champagne and cassis, a beautifully laid table outside on the deck. As we ate lunch in the sun (obviously also exported from France) we discussed our common ground; being newcomers to the area, our French life in Quebec, making choices, making friends.

The children were thrilled to find that they also shared their home with a labrador, a loppy eared rabbit, a cat and several fish in a pond. We were entertained by this menagerie as we ate and chatted; particularly amusing was relationship between the dog and the rabbit. They were clearly best friends, cavorting and playing with each other, the dog always careful not to hurt the rabbit.

We were continually drawn to watching these antics as we ate and then suddenly at one point our eyes widened and the jaws slowly dropped. The dog doing something to the rabbit that I didn't think animals did to each other, even with their own species, let alone with another... Suffice to say it was of a sexual nature and that if the rabbit stood on his hind legs, he was just the right height. Do you get my drift? They weren't going to be having any lop-eared puppies doing it this way but I swear the rabbit had a smile on his face. Yes, they were both male too. You can imagine the questions from the younger children and snorts of laughter from the teens.

Anyway, moving swiftly on, it seems that the little visitor from Friday seen on our patio is indeed a rat. Mr. Exterminator tells me that where there is one, there are bound to be lots. My middle daughter is fretting that they must be killed without pain...I just want them GONE.

Meanwhile Mr. Reasons has taken a turn uphill on the job search roller-coaster ride yet again and is now awaiting the interview outcomes. His anxiety is palpable and I wonder if by allowing myself to think things will improve on that score, I was perhaps being naive. We are on edge waiting to see if the track will elevate us further uphill or plunge us back down into depression because that, in reality, is how it feels. The house that we found to rent has been signed over to someone else. It seems they had another couple in the wings waiting for their house to exchange contracts; we were their back-up plan. Ooh there's some nice folk in this world aren't there?!!

2009-09-25T07:16:00.000-07:00

Phew! I am so glad to sit down at the computer for a while. It's been a week of looking at senior schools for Boy Rugby, plus still the house-hunting malarkey is ongoing and I am bamboozled and confused.

Also the day did not start well. I had a terrifying arachnid experience. Dramatic, moi?

Not this little little fella of course, the one I'm talking about was HUGE!!!

I'd been opening the curtains in the lounge and as I made my way into the kitchen I felt a movement on my chest, only to look down and find a big, hairy spider on me, about to crawl down inside my T-shirt. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!

Now, as I write this, I am looking out onto the patio and have seen a mouse, as bold as brass running around the rockery. Or is it a rat? It's a very large mouse. Think I'll consult the internet.

And where is Charlie whilst all this these animals run riot about our home? Curled up asleep in his bed. Now excuse me, I'm off to close the back door. I don't want any visitors in the night.

The truth

2009-09-22T04:36:00.001-07:00

My husband is still hunting furiously for a job. Yesterday he had an interview with a company he used to work for, the role was for something less senior than he had previously had. He told me that he had to hold back at one point because the guy interviewing him didn't grasp what he was talking about. It's frustrating for him of course, but he's just doing everything he can at the moment to secure something. He's getting interviews and on four occasions has got down to the last two candidates. He's doing well, compared to many, but it's draining for him and the low points are happening more often than they did at first. He never lets up. He's either being interviewed, doing psychometric testing, presenting, researching, tweaking his CV... No-one can say he's not trying his best.

This is what recession really feels like then. It makes you worried, you sleep less, you worry about the future, spend as little as possible, try to control your emotions...but every now and then...

For us it's tough too because we aren't even living surrounded by our family and friends. That makes it worse. We don't have our own home, and are having to leave our rented house. It is proving really difficult to find an alternative. Yesterday I received an e/mail from the lady owner of the house we rent, asking me to measure up a window and to get back to her 'asap'. I felt like telling her to bugger off. I've got problems to sort. Deal with your curtains when you get back, it's not as if there isn't one hanging there.

My arthritis has flared up. By 7pm most evenings I can barely move, so I clamber to bed with my herbal tea and a book and wait for my body to re-energise. Of course this is nothing new, but right now it feels like I've been dealt a bum pack of cards.

The news seems worse, a few friends who aren't 'there' for us hurt my feelings, little frustrations in life feel much bigger.

This is how a credit crunch crunches people.

Yet I am lucky.

I have two friends with unhappy marriages. My is under strain but it's holding out.
I have three incredible children and some friends have been amazingly supportive.
My parents are still alive.
I have Charlie. Oblivious to it all. Still humping everything in sight.

Truth be told, I am also finding out how strong I can be. Because if I wasn't doing well, I'd know it because my children would be unhappy, and they're not. So therefore I must be doing something right. You know sometimes, strangely, I think I must be very rich in some ways. My parents must have truly nutured me; given me skills, taught me to be resilient, given unconditional love. I have a foundation which is strong and this is what I want for my children, so that they too can weather storms when they are older.

Just carry on holding my hand, and I'll be fine.

Pants

2009-09-17T02:18:00.000-07:00

I've written a couple of posts recently and when it has come to hitting 'publish post' my finger has hesitated and eventually decided not to bother. The reason being that everything is just still a bit pants for me and being light, interesting or entertaining isn't happening. I've wracked my brains about happy, uplifting aspects of life but this cloud of angst which hangs over my head slips down and engulfs my fingers, preventing them from ignoring the self absorbtion that comes with intense worry. I can't even bring myself to be useful and tell you how I cope...sometimes I don't think I am. So I write it how it is, the only way I know how but then don't publish; I spare you my whittering moans.

When life turns its inevitable corner and things improve, when the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach goes away, I shall breeze back onto your screens to whip up your spirits with words that dance with gratitude.

Until then, I shall visit you and enjoy the windows into your worlds.

POTD and then some

2009-09-06T11:54:00.000-07:00

Well fancy that then eh? I sign off from life, the universe and everything for a few days and when I come back what's happened - I've got Post of the Day! Quite cheered me up it did.

I am no longer in the doghouse. All is forgiven and it was well worth it to be horizontal for an entire afternoon, watch 3, yes 3 DVD's followed by a 7 mile walk down the canal the following day. Ah never let it be said that I do things by halves. I love my family dearly but the break clearly did us all good and I will from now on always understand if someone feels the need to be totally alone - it happens.

Since then things have progressed not one bit I'm afraid. Mr. Reasons got down to the last 3 candidates (again) after a series of interviews for a job, only to be told that they'd given it to an internal member of staff.

On the house-hunt news we found one house that I didn't really like but that would fit the bill regarding schools and space. We have now been told that it is owned by relations to the Bhutto family in Pakistan. The extra kitchen they have with a bedroom just off it, we were told they used for "staff" but I am now wondering if it was perhaps occupied by a body-guard. The whole thing is taking on a sinister air. The owner, a widow, who's husband died recently has returned to Pakistan and has left one of the rooms filled with her stuff. This also unnerves me. Call me melodramatic but I don't want to live in a house that's on a hit list...and what's in that room..?

As for other properties, well there are none, unless I want to put Boy Rugby down for a third rate senior school next year and that will depend on where we live over the next couple of months because the forms for registering him are due in the beginning of October.

What I would give for a boring but stable life right now!

I am learning new things though. A post could be written on the coping skills and new levels of understanding about other people's problems I am aquiring. Perhaps, in the end, I will even be a stronger person.

Home Alone

2009-08-30T01:28:00.000-07:00

I've been selfish. Yes, me. Can you imagine?

After a week of visitors I was supposed to rush around yesterday morning and haul my cookies north to spend a couple of days for a family gathering with sister/brother in laws etc. and I didn't go.

Yes I can hear the sharp intake of disapproving breath. This neglectful mother refused to budge and instead pleaded fatigue, sending husband and children off into the abyss (or in this case M6) to fend for themselves.

Well that's how they made me feel. But you know what? No-one was prepared to help get our act together in order to leave and as I swept around the house sorting washing, clearing up etc. etc. etc. calling to one and all, they installed themselves happily in their rooms doing who-knows-what and managing to ignore me successfully, I started to wonder what kind of mug I am.

Husband called by his sister late on Friday evening to confirm timings. She mostly lives in the lap of luxury in Spain but is home for a short while and it is she who was to be hosting the get-together Saturday evening - at her UK mansion. As a parting shot his sister instructed hubby not to forget to bring her a belated birthday present. (She was in Spain by the pool at the time and he was probably trawling the UK for a job). I muttered something about petrol and effort to go and visit and lack of money...but that's bitter and horrid...and how I'm becoming... So he (the nice one) rushed off and frantically shopped. Instructions were left with me that we were to depart by 1pm. I love/hate that man sometimes.

Then I thought, sod it. I spat my dummy out and announced I wasn't going. I was stressed. Real stress. Not the one that people say when things are just a bit tricky. I mean real, heart pounding, unable to function well, stressed.

I suggested that they were to go without me, have a lovely time...Mr. Reason's could have a good time with brother and sisters, their husbands would not be there so perhaps I too could be excused?

Well.

You'd have thought I'd have declared I was abandoning them all and running off with the milkman. The very notion that I may elect to be alone clearly hurt feelings but bear in mind here chums, I always support my family in everything they do and take full part it all Mr. Reason's family gatherings. I love and support his family (well most of them).

Just not this time.

This morning I am resting and blogging. The house is peaceful. A few hours respite away from the homeless/jobless traumas that impose upon our daily ease of mind and ability to plan for the future.

Feeling guilty? Yes

A bit sad that I'm tired of everyone? Of course.
No-one in particular, it's just demanding you know?

I'm in the doghouse.

But it's comfy in here.

Not waving...

2009-08-25T00:15:00.000-07:00

Too many problems to solve to make an interesting blog read at the moment. Plus visitors from France who wish to be sightseeing and fed. That would normally be fun but is just a bit hard going at the moment.

Our three children continue to delight and raise our spirits. What would we do without them? Yet I've never felt the responsibility of their existence so starkly before.

I'll be back, hopefully soon, when I can right more reasons to be cheerful!

Wishing you well.

Thanks and challenges

2009-08-17T11:13:00.001-07:00

I had the weekend away visiting my inlaws and came back to read all the wonderful, encouraging comments left regarding my last post. It was so great to have all of your thoughts and I really must thank you for taking the time to write such helpful messages. They do make me sit up and get a grip. I'd like to send a big blogging virtual hug right back to you. Thank you. Now I must just move on, in fact I have no choice because I now have a far more imminent problem to deal with...

One of the big compensation prizes of this whole two year affair has been the house we rent. I've written before about the large, woody garden and bright rooms which have given us a such pleasure. The location, just 10 minutes from the town, 5 from the railway station, yet quiet and leafy is perfect. It has been a constant and a haven for the whole family but yesterday I had a call to say the owners want to move back in.

I have to get my head around this one. Legally we have until December to move but of course we have to find a house where we can keep our beloved hound so we have to start looking straight away. Rented accommodation where pets are welcome is rare.

Moving away from the area is not an option at the moment due to our eldest daughter's exams next summer and the curriculum she is following. Life certainly likes throwing us it's challenges at the moment. I do hope a good, new chapter is ahead.

Be careful what you wish for

2009-08-14T10:57:00.000-07:00

Have you ever woken up one morning with the cold realisation that you have made a big mistake? I don't mean the, 'oh dear I should have gone for the red sweater, not the blue one', type. I'm talking, lightening bolt, 'oh no, that was life changingly, totally and utterly the wrong move', type.

'Move', being the operative word here. It took two days of me being back 'home' (of ten years) in the north east to find myself driving along, tears streaming down my face, knowing deep down that despite the 'making the best of things' and 'well at least we're all together's, that when I made the choice to uproot the family to move for my husband's job, I did the wrong thing. And let's be honest, I had the choice. It was perhaps selfish of me to want a husband that travelled away less and the probability is that he will end up doing so anyway and I will be here, minus my parents, my friends and the community life we spent 10 years integrating into. I can't have it all and I should have realised it then.

I watched the children pick up and play with their old friends, in a simpler, safer and less pressured environment. I saw friends at every turn. Spent time with my aging parents. Walked with the family on the beach and the moors, our beloved haunts.

No point in regrets. Of course that's true, but there's a time to face reality and after two years of trying to convince myself that we are all OK and that there are good things here too, the fact is I made a bad choice and everyone would be happier and are better suited to, living where we were. Mr. Reasons would have had to travel more for work, but at least he'd have known the family had their stability and we'd have not had all the trauma of the past two years.

Turning this around is not an option at the moment for many reasons. I have to put up, shut up and make this as good as I can for the family. But I can't pretend anymore that I have no regrets.

Rain & Magnetism

2009-08-04T02:26:00.001-07:00

I am not going to moan about the weather.
Repeat.

I am not going to moan about the weather.

Lovely weather we're having recently.

If you are keen on hailstones and severe rain for July/August, the Midlands are the place to visit.

In fact I have now moved up to the north east to visit family and it's overcast, cool and rainy.

Should have been born somewhere hot you see.

This is all a silly mistake.

Mr. Reasons is home alone.

Swine flu free now but busy preparing for interviews.

I feel bad leaving him alone.

He doesn't do alone.

I left him with a fridge full of fruit and veg to juice.

His immune system needs a boost.

Who am I trying to kid?

Mr. Meat & Carbs. washed down with a beer.

Travelling up in the car was fun.

Big L played all her ipod music through some little gadget on the car speakers.

Her musical taste is so varied and we all sang our hearts out.

I stopped at a service station and bumped into my Lakeland pal.

Both miles from home.

We all had tea on a bench outside for an hour.

How lucky is that?

Magnetism.

“No legacy is so rich as honesty.” Shakespeare

2009-07-24T11:45:00.000-07:00

Posted Monday 27th July - Blogger is not honest sometimes!

Thanks to the lovely Zuzana from Life, Work and Pleasure who has given me this award along with a tag which I shall dutifully do. I have to admit that when I started thinking about 10 honest things to write about myself, at first I though how hopelessly dull I am. Doing it has triggered a few memories though and now I realise that I did come out from under my rock a few times!

1. I have duel British-Canadian citizenship. A piece of my heart is still in Montreal.

2. I met my husband in a pub in Hove (The Cricketers - some of you will know it I suspect) and I knew my hubs was 'the one' that first night.

3. A long time ago I raised lots of money for a children's hospital doing a pub crawl, dressed as a french maid with a friend, chaperoned by my older brother. I know, tacky, but effective.

4. Everyday I wake up, my hair looks like it's had a wild party, it scares the dog - the children know not to look.

5. I have two favourite places to walk/hike, one is Alligator Point mentioned in the previous post, the other is the Adirondak Mountians in New York State.

6. I once frightened a bear off whilst hiking in the Adirondaks, I saw it ahead of me on the path and stupidly, screamed. It took one look at me, English and pregnant, and scarpered pretty quickly to hide behind a tree.

7. I once cycled across the Golden Gate Bridge on a tandem with my husband. Well twice actually, as we cycled back again.

8. During the past two years I have had some of the sadest times of my life. Sorry for you having to read my posts since February, but that's life! I am an optimist but I cry more easily these days.

9. I once kept a plane waiting. I was with friends in a bar across the road in Milan but had checked my bags in. When I got on board I was ignored by the air hostesses all the way back to the UK. (Excuse - I was young).

10. My nickname by my two older brothers is 'Toots'. Don't tell ANYONE.

On this occasion I am being a good girl and doing my blogging duty. So please see below for those I'd like to forward both the award and the tag to. Of course the rule was to pass it on to five people but I've never been good at rules! If you don't know them already I recommend you click on the links and pay a visit. All are wonderful bloggers.

Loritimesfive

The Life and Adventures of Catepoo

Maternal Tales from the South Coast

Musings from the Deep

Not Waving But Drowning

Crystal Jigsaw

Moments from Suburbia

Summertime, and the livin' is easy-er

2009-07-22T02:21:00.000-07:00

First day of the summer hols - yahoo! Boy Rugby, who could not get out of bed yesterday after a three day birthday celebration and had to be pulled out by his feet for school. Yet he was up at 6am this morning, so excited that he didn't have to go for six whole weeks, or indeed get up early I was at pains to point out. Bless.

This year we are not going on a summer holiday due the current circumstances and are most probably among many that don't fly off to sunnier climes this year. I do have to mention though that a little sun would be appreciated, yesterday it rained literally non-stop and if my plans to roam the local countryside and return home to my beloved north Yorkshire moors are to come off, wet is not best!

We've been very lucky to have enjoyed some great holidays in the past, last Easter we visited my sister-in-law's beach house in north western Florida. It is our absolute favourite place to be as a family and holds many cherished memories. Hubby and I spent our honeymoon there and we've been back several times with the children, who despite its' remoteness and lack of phone signal, video games and general commercialism, all say Alligator Point is very special to them.

You can wake up in the morning, open the sliding doors in the bedroom and look out, smell the sea, hear the waves and watch dolphins emerging and dipping close to shore. Once your senses have woken you can step out with a mug of tea and sit on the deck, still in pyjamas and revel in the knowledge that you have no plans and no time constraints.

So when the fancy takes you it's a long, leisurely walk along the point, spotting star fish, shells and crabs, watching the pelicans fly overhead. You might see the odd neighbour but it's mostly just greetings from an-off-for-a-walk dog and watching the children running into the water when the dolphins come. The bay side has manatees and further inland there are lakes full of alligator - and the odd three legged dog roaming nearby.

Anyway, where was I? Ah, summer. It's a special time of year, to be enjoyed, as far as possible, no matter what. I love having the children off school, the freedom and lack of routine. A chance to explore and teach them things they cannot learn in the classroom. Admittedly there are those moments when I feel like locking myself in a darkened room but on the whole I'd say that I am lucky that I can spend this time with them and hope I shall be able to continue to whilst they are young. We shall see.

Wherever you are and whatever you do this summer I hope it's a happy time. Unless of course, you are in Australia or somewhere like it, in which case, I wish you a swine-flu clear, crisp, colourful Autumn.

A weary hi

2009-07-20T07:22:00.000-07:00

Boy Rugby is 10 today. I'd have loved to write a little tribute to him but I'm exhausted after a stressful last week and a weekend of boisterous boys. So I'll save that for another day.

I reached melting point last week, first the job news and then finding out that the ring leader of a group of girls who'd bullied our then 14 year old last year, has been made Head Girl for Year 11. Our other, younger daughter is still in the same school, two years below. We took our eldest daughter out of there, one of the best things we ever did and moved on from that awful time. The girl in question has displayed incredibly questionable behaviour, much of which the school is aware of and have evidence to prove. I was in disbelief and very angry. They were hopeless in supporting us and our daughter, now this. She may have behaved better over the past year but I can't see how someone like her can be given such a role...if you knew about her, I suspect you'd agree. I was surprised at the affect this news had on me, I think it's because it makes you realise just how unfair life can be. We know it, we teach it to our children, but sometimes it's still so frustrating.

It felt like a kick in the teeth and brought back some bad memories. We are a little jaded. I haven't visited many blogs recently, it's down to lack of time and energy and I look forward to doing so soon.

Thank goodness we are strong as a family. That we are all OK.

I awoke to the news on the radio this morning that the son of a racing driver was killed in a race, aged 18. He is the grandson of my mother's oldest friend. Such a loss is unimaginable and it makes me focus on what's important. My mum is obviously upset, goodness knows how his own mother must be feeling.

Give your friends and families an extra big hug. And if they're bugging you, give them a slap, then give them a big hug.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...

2009-07-16T11:57:00.000-07:00

... or is it?

Well, someone up there has a sick sense of humour because having posted that on my sidebar a few days ago I've been soaked in the rain about four times this week.

It's got to be time to build an arc, fill it with good wine and chocolate (forget about the two by two, I'll have two for one) and sail off somewhere.

What's a girl to do when she falls in love, has three beautiful children, stays home to raise them whilst her husband travels far and wide, hunting and gathering. Only the far and wide begin to take their toll, when the youngest son starts to need his Dad around a bit more so they move to a new place with a new job that means the Hunter can stay closer. It's a wrench but they want more family time so it's the right thing to do.

A jealous, bullying boss sees threat in the success of his new employee and just months after persuading the family to move closer to his headquarters he decides he doesn't want this bright, successful new employee.

A law suit, a credit crunch and over a year later the husband still looks for work. Four times he is down to the last two candidates and four times he is rejected at the final hurdle. Hopes raised and dashed, energy and spirits lift and plummet. Moving again now is unthinkable because the children, one in particular, has had so much upset and upheaval. The girl keeps them all strong. Until now.

Despite all her reasons to be cheerful she wants to bury her head in her hands and not think about what could come next. What's a girl to do?

2009-07-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

All together now...

2009-07-13T01:29:00.000-07:00

Can you oblige me?

Just a moment of your time.

Mr. Reasons has got very, very close again.

The job thing that is.

A little vibe.

Some positive thought sent off into the universe.

Every little helps you know.

I can't do it all on my own.

So I'm rallying all my troops.

Much appreciated.

I shall be in touch.

xxx

What me, worry?

2009-07-11T02:11:00.001-07:00

I am by no means the nervous, neurotic type. I think if I had been I'd have lost my head a long time ago - illness, moving a bit too often, living with teenagers, job-losses, bullying...I've pretty much weathered them OK, haven't been locked up yet anyway . I've blogged my way through some of the sticky bits, "getting by with a little help from my friends" and of course the odd bottle of wine.

But this morning I woke up to the news that the swine flu has killed it's first healthy victim in the UK. The girls have it for certain, my middle daughter is over the worst of it, my 15 year old has been really very poorly, looks slightly better today but has a long way to go before full recovery. It's all looking pretty normal and promising. Boy Rugby is bounding around full of beans and Mr. Reasons and I are fighting it, we can feel the glands up and the noses are running.

There is just this little seed of worry niggling away inside. Not so much for me but for my menfolk. If I get it, my over-active immune system will wreak havoc with my joints but kill the bug so my real concern is for these strapping lads I have here, how will they fare?

Of course, they'll be fine won't they! Listen to me witter. I dish out the vitamin C, echinachea and tamiflu accordingly, wipe down places the girls have been as much as possible (who am I kidding?) and hope the kids can enjoy the summer holiday they deserve.

For now, though, everyone is avoiding us like the plague and I can't say I blame them. Today's news will not have helped and once the girls are well, there is uncertainty as to who will be incubating the virus so we shall need to be careful about contact with those who may be vulnerable. Trouble is, there is still much uncertainty about this flu, young and healthy men seem to be among the worst affected so far and we are in the worst affected area in the country.

Go on, please take some love

2009-07-09T13:27:00.000-07:00

Thank you Fhina, A Lady of No Importance for this gorgeous award. Check out her lovely blog and you may also be interested in a new blog which Fhina has helped to create and makes wonderful contributions to - Mad, Manic Mamas. A wonderful place for parents of teens to go and know you are not alone in the darkness and despair!!

I am shamefully late in posting this award, not because I am ungrateful you understand - just disorganised! To make matters worse I shall not be passing it on officially so please take this award if you come here today, I love and appreciate your visits.

Swine flu has hit the Reasons household, both Spring Baby (13) and Autumn Baby (15) have been struck down so my little socks are worked off keeping the plates spinning around here so please excuse me for not doing links properly for the award and also if I don't drop by as much as I'd like over the next few days...

Yes, all-bloody-right I'm coming with the Tamiflu! Do you have to sneeze all over the keyboard!

...I shall be busy dishing out love, sympathy and kleenex. xxx

You can sing this song when I'm gone

2009-07-07T11:49:00.000-07:00

I know it's not cool and it's not trendy to admit you're a James Taylor fan but from the first time I travelled from the south east of England to the north west to meet my future husband's five sisters, four brothers and their associated other halves and off spring (he's the youngest) I learnt to accept the concept of big Irish family sing-song gatherings and James Taylor was one of their favourites.

Mr. Reason's eldest brother would play guitar and we'd Steamroller Baby, rock to Sweet Baby James and blow away our troubles On Top of the Roof. The brothers all played their part but John the guitar player was the catalyst of these family occasions where cousins joined, laughed, played and sang.

Things went wrong for our guitar man and after many troubles he died suddenly five years ago, he was only 45 and left three beautiful children. The eldest, his 15 year old daughter, already a talented musician sang "The Water is Wide" by JT at her father's funeral. How she did that, I honestly don't know.

Sunday night we took our three children to see JT live in Birmingham. When they were babies Mr. Reasons would sing them his lullabies to help them sleep, I could feel their goosebumps as they heard these songs again, sung live in concert. Boy Rubgy practically bounced off his seat when the honky tonk guitar went wild and the drums let loose.

The last song couldn't have been more poignant and my thoughts were drawn once more to my brother-in-law, lost too soon.

Close Your Eyes

Well the sun is surely sinking down

And the moon is slowly rising

So this old world is still spinning round

And I still love you

So close your eyes

You can close your eyes, it's alright

I don't know no love songs

And I can't sing the blues anymore

But I can sing this song

And you can sing this song when I'm gone

It won't be long before another day

We're gonna have a good time

And no-ones gonna take that time away

You can stay as long as you like

My it's Fairly Hot Ladies & Gents!

2009-07-02T02:51:00.000-07:00

All I want is an outdoor pool

In I'd dive keeping nice and cool

Ice in my chardonnay

I'd be no fool

Oh wouldn't it be lover-ly!

Fresh cold melon for me to eat

Shady oak tree keeping off the heat

Cool hands, cool face, cool feet

Oh wouldn't it be lover-ly!

Mother or Manager?

2009-06-30T11:26:00.001-07:00

A couple of weeks ago we all trooped down to London because after a great deal of pestering we relented to Autumn Baby's (15) requests for a photo shoot in order to try a get a bit of modelling work. She has been approached a few times and we've managed to put her off but with her interest in photography and fashion, plus a real desire to model and earn some cash and an amazing photo shoot offered to her with professional make-up artist, photographer, blah de blah, yes, we caved.

It went very well and she has some great shots some of which she sent to an agent. I got a phone call to ask if she can do international, T.V. work etc etc. Now I expected the odd catalogue photo not the next face of M&S. So now I need to do some research on the various modelling agencies before I agree to anything. I have a good idea of which ones are reputable but like everything different businesses have different contracts, styles, etc. etc.

Then Spring Baby (13) announces after her debut performance on stage that she wants to follow in the footsteps of her cousin, save up and get a CD cut with a view to eventually singing at celebratory 'do's' such as graduations, weddings etc. Okaaaay. Let's find out about that then. Note: research affordable recording studios. Probably off to Manchester then.

I am what you'd call the opposite of a pushy mother, it seems though to be having a reverse affect. I will, however need to make sure this is hobby/pocket money work and doesn't interfere with school work, should it come to that - my finger will wag. Plugs shall be pulled.

Finally Boy Rugby (10)came home from school today and announced he and his friend want to take the 11+ and go to a grammar school so that they can play rugby and get a decent education at the same time. No he's not a pompous little twerp at all but he's not built for football and is interested in world so wants to learn - well sometimes, if there's nothing on T.V. and he's exhausted the lego.

I've just done some research on the 11+ and it looks like you need tutors (that'll be me then) and a wealth of practice papers, revisions papers, tactics, strategies, oh and time, to get any chance of competing with the thousands of other boys who have probably been tutored to within an inch of their life and weaned on omega 3 capsules since the age of 6 weeks old.

You know, I am not sure if this new spout of enterprising behaviour from my kids is born from the fact that they still have a jobless father and therefore cutbacks have had to be made recently. Maybe if this carries on I'll have 3 budding entrepreneurs on my hands who will see me right in my old age... in a little house...by the sea...in France...

The blue, blue sea of home

2009-06-29T08:49:00.000-07:00

Seven Sisters, Sussex-by-the Sea

When I was a little girl we had a teacher in primary school, she was about 900, or so it seemed to me at the time, and she made us clasp our hands to our chest and earnestly sing "Sussex by the Sea."

This weekend I returned to visit friends in my home county of Sussex and as we enjoyed the cleansing sea air, never-ending horizons along the coast and the lush, rolling countryside. "Sussex by the sea" returned to haunt me, ear wigging in my ear. I haven't lived in the south east for a long while now and sometimes I find returning home experiences can be a bitter sweet. I have had three homes now, and it's always the same. The good aspects can seem better, things we didn't appreciate when we saw them everyday suddenly seem sweeter and you realise how much you miss them. The bad bits, also sometimes forgotten, can be disappointing or just make you plain glad you left.

This trip certainly reminded me how much I miss the sea. I have twice had to move away from it and my plan eventually is to work my way back to a coast, preferably a French one, at some point in my life. Fortunately for me, Mr.M agrees, but truth is I know, we'll see what life throws at us.

One thing I have noticed, having seen friends last week from Canada and then visiting friends in Sussex last weekend, is how dipping into past memories can be refreshing. Talking to our Canadian friends about so many good times we shared boosted my energy, reminded me of a place and time when we were carefree, daring and full of hope. It reminded me of how lucky I am to have such terrific friends.

It can remind you of who you really are if you choose the memories to rekindle well.

Being in Sussex with a friend from school days gave me time to distance myself from our troubles here and feel cosseted in a place where I have always felt safe. Then of course the healing effect of the ocean, just to watch it, to hear it is calming and soothing.

What is in a name?

2009-06-25T04:04:00.001-07:00

An anti-histamine and a good nights rest seem to have done the trick so I think hayfever could be the problem. Meanwhile the cases of swine flu are on the up here, the hospitals and doctor's surgeries are full of people going to get checked out so I shall avoid those places at all costs for now! Thank you for making me laugh and for you advice and concern.

------------------

Speaking of laughter...I tucked Boy Rugby up in bed last night and was leaving the room when he started to chuckle. I asked him why and he began to tell me. As he spoke he giggled more and more until tears were rolling down his face and he could hardly get the words out. He held his sides in pain. I ended up laughing too, although I had no idea what I was laughing about, just seeing him cracking up was enough.

Finally, out it came in strangled splutters and snorts and he fell back in exhaustion. Turns out they have an NQT (newly qualified teacher) in class. Her name, ladies and gentlemen, is Mrs. Crapper.

That poor woman doesn't stand a chance.

Oh please don't let one of you have Crapper as a surname. Please, please, please!

Hay Fever or Swine Flu?

2009-06-24T06:07:00.000-07:00

Today I have a sore throat, runny nose, itchy eyes and am tired. I don't normally air my symptoms in public but having just listened to the BBC Radio 2 going on about how much swine flu there is going around in my neck of the woods I am wondering if I am going down with something pig-like or if, for the first time ever, I have hay fever.

So I need a diagnosis please.

If you'd be so kind.

I did wash my hands before I typed this, so you should be O.K.

V.I.P.s

2009-06-21T14:28:00.000-07:00

As I tried to defrost the windows with a hair dryer in order to slide one side open, I half-smiled at the irony of the situation. It was -30 degrees outside and the heating in our rented apartment, with a thermostat over which we had no control, was blasting out temperatures that deemed in necessary to allow in some fresh, very cold, air. Later those window sills were to be stepped over by our big ginger tom as he used to like sitting on the ledge outside - we were three floors up. Felix was a French Quebec Ginger Tom. One day he paced up and down that ledge angrily watching a taunting dog below. So incensed he was that he lost his footing and plunged onto the snowy ground leaving and Tom and Jerry style cat body imprint in the deep white covering that probably saved him. He limped for a while after that and had lost a life.

Window forced, I go to answer a knock at the door and find myself greeting my new neighbours from across the hallway. A family of mum, an English Quebeccer of Irish Catholic origins and Alex, a Muslim from Afghanistan. They had two exotically beautiful teenage daughters and the four of them practically adopted us over ensuing months. During the six years we were there they included us in Christmas's and Thanksgivings, they held our newborn daughters before any of our families were able to arrive, invited us to their beautiful home in the Laurentian mountain for weekends, held baby showers for me and surprise leaving parties for us both.

Pat used to have her mountain home filled from time to time for Indian family gatherings,. The women would take over her kitchen for hours preparing food. She would smile magnanimously and laugh about it all afterwards - she has some laugh I can tell you. Pat was always working, praying or laughing.

Alex - kind, sensitive, a ponderer. Doing things his own sweet way, driving Pat slightly round the bend. But as a family they would always sit around their kitchen table, often with us included, and make fun of each other and of life. They always said they were impressed that we could speak more french than them and that we had hiked, skied, cycled and camped, always finding out more about the area - Pat said we were explorers.

We've seen them twice since we left 11 years ago. They are on their way here now. We have two nights with them as they spend their last few days seeing friends in England having spent a two week holiday in Ireland and Scotland. I bet they've had fun, it's their turn to explore. I cannot wait to hear that laugh.

Will you all just GO AWAY!

2009-06-20T03:14:00.000-07:00

No, not you. It's them, all of them.

As I learn more about this meditation lark and the possibilities of using your mind to help deal and possibly even contribute to some healing, I am trying to do a little practice.

Trouble is the where and when.

I'll think I can snatch an hour. Maybe everyone is out. Right, to the lounge. Builders next door start banging just as I'm getting into it. Dog pushes door open, delighted to see me on the floor and thinks I want to play. Phone rings. Of course I should have locked the dog in elsewhere, taken the phone off the hook, put headphones on. But when you're snatching time the temptation is to hurry up and get on with it...

I bolted out of the house to the park. Sat in the car with a meditation CD. Someone I know knocks on the window. How lovely to see you, now please bog off!

As for trying to find peace and quiet when people are in the house - quite frankly I've more chance of salsa dancing with the queen - I'm not sure where that came from. No-one likes mothers to go missing. Hiding in a locked bedroom (not that my bedroom door even locks) is not a possibility. "Muuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!" We are supposed to be THERE.

Medical Evidence - You really can help to heal yourself

2009-06-19T02:42:00.000-07:00

...Or What Drug Companies Won't Want to Hear!

I would like to mention a blog that I regularly read. As well as being a wonderful site I would like to draw your attention to her post of today. Please do go and see if you have time.

http://thelifeandadventuresofcatepoo.blogspot.com/

Don't mind me, I'm just pondering.

2009-06-17T09:39:00.001-07:00

A very good friend bought me a book. She is a spiritual kind of gal and is always reading books about meditation, light, healing and such like. The book she gave me is called 'The Secret'. I am dipping in and out of it as I have a pile of books on the go at the moment. Essentially it seems to be about asking the Universe for what you want. Hmmmm. I'm struggling with this one. Surely the Universe has more important things to worry about than my little struggles - world peace, global warming, famine to name but a few.

However, I do think there is a lot to be said for positive thought and I am trying to learn the art of various forms of meditation as part of my endeavours to heal my own immune disorders. In fact I am becoming a walking, talking alternative health encyclopedia having researched such topics as elk antler supplements, food allergies, leaky gut syndrome, nutrition...I could go on and on. Some suggestions kindly given by blogging friends, all things I am willing to investigate and try as far as my budget allows.

I have to be careful though, along with this new found knowledge comes anxiety. I have a book called "Skin Deep" which tells of all the toxic chemicals contained in our hair and beauty products. Now I find myself scanning the shampoo bottles and lecturing my teenage daughter about the dangers of fake tan. There is a lot of harmful stuff to worry about (as if I needed that) but of course to most people it isn't that harmful. So when husband leaves the house to play squash, as he did tonight, my parting shot should really not be about the benefits of drinking water as opposed to beer, when he's finished. Quite frankly I am becoming a bore. "You don't need all that make-up, beauty comes from within, have an apple, drink some water, get to bed early, don't keep your mobile close to your body..." "We know Mum" comes the weary reply.

So back the Universe then. The basic principle here with regard to health seems to be about believing and seeing yourself as you want to be, never focusing on the negative and ignoring what the doctors say about anything being incurable. Hmmmm...says the sceptical devil on my right shoulder. So what about people who are struck down in the prime of life, who never become negative or self-pitying about their illness and still suffer and die?

OK says positive angel on left shoulder, but also what about people you know who are nearly always positive and never get sick. I am married to someone like that. Never moans. Well no, of course that's not true either, everyone moans for goodness sake. But generally, most of the time he has an upbeat, positive attitude to nearly everything, even when things are really tough. Like now.

Can I honestly say this is a better, healthier way that probably affects immunity, helps with achieving life goals, doing well socially, coping with difficulties, being happier? Yes, absolutely, categorically. In fact I think it's been scientifically proven.

So I have to add this phenomenon, ability, wisdom, energy, call it what you will, to my tool box of getting well. I have to work on envisaging myself as a well person. In part I think I do have a positive attitude which is why I'm not worse than I am. But, as my teachers always used to say, I must try harder.

I remember as a little girl having a wart on my index finger. I hated it and went to bed every night visualising that it would disappear. After a few days it did. How did I know to do that? I remember other instances when I used my mind to help me, willing things to happen, somehow then I had an awareness of an inner strength that maybe many of us loose when we grow up. Maybe if I can dig very deep, recapture whatever powers I had back then, I can use them to help myself heal. Or perhaps I should say, I will.

Skies are blue

2009-06-14T12:30:00.000-07:00

Thank you so much for all the heartfelt, encouraging messages left by bloggers after my last little outburst. Things for now, are still difficult as we have been in this situation for quite a while now, but hopefully change is around the corner and your comments reminded me that this is surely the case - nothing stays the same for long - as Lakeviewer and my mum always say, and trust me, Lakeviewer and my mum are always right.

___________________________________

This town I have found myself in is a thriving, popular, leafy town, just a few miles outside of the second largest city in England. It has taken me a while to get used to living here, having spent ten years in a small market town in the north east. This seemed a less friendly place at first, and it can be, but there are advantages. Resources and facilities for the children are two of them. My 15 year old daughter (Autumn Baby) is a great lover of dance and this weekend she took part in a spectacular show in our local theatre.

Each performance demonstrated a different age group, style and genre, from angelic youngsters, through to dazzling teenagers and even a class for older women who stunned us with their elegant pizazz. Each dancer so wonderfully trained, gave their all and the show dazzled and delighted with a visual and aural feast of twirling tutus, glitter, funky fluorescent colours, delicate ballet which told of love and loss, thrillers, mardi gras madness, old fashioned jazz routines, upbeat, low tempo - you name it, it was there.

Half way through the first half of the show a young girl stepped onto the stage. Silence. She was introduced as having auditioned to sing via her drama group which is a sister company to the one presenting the show. She was just thirteen years old, long dark hair, large, beautiful eyes and had the composure of one who has been doing this all of her life. She sang 'Thousand Miles' by Vanessa Carlton - not an easy choice. She didn't thrash that song, she didn't parade around the stage, she just sang - perfectly, a breath of fresh air. When she finished there was a rapturous applause.

She sang so beautifully it was almost scary because it confirmed what a talent she really is, although I could only guess until now because she is usually shy of singing in front of people and what I had suspected to be true came from largely hearing through bedroom doors and shower water sounds. There are good singers in our family, some who make money from it, I know they are good but this was better. This was something special. What I felt was more than pride, rather I was just in awe as I watched my Spring Baby leave the stage.

Somewhere, over the rainbow...

2009-06-09T02:30:00.000-07:00

I was hoping to return to blogging refreshed, reorganised and with some good news on the job situation and therefore the ability to step forward in a positive light. Unfortunately I am instead returning with a rather frenzied, hasty post which I am hoping will provide a cathartic release to the rather depressed, stressed, tense mood which prevails in the Reason's household.

Having got down to the last two and been told "you are in the frame" and "ahead of the other candidate" my significant other was then told he had been pipped to the post for the job I didn't tell you about in my post that self-destructed. I know this is perhaps seemingly rather melodramatic but it's not really my business to blog about after all, the repercussions of it all, however, are. It's been a while now since the job we all moved to the Midlands for, went catastrophically pear-shaped, lots has happened since then. A bullied child, moved to a private school, swotting desperately to catch up for lost time for her GCSE's next week (bad) but happy again (great). I have started to quite like living here, our social life leaves a bit to be desired, we aren't in the right frame of minds to focus on that at the moment, but we do have two wonderful friends (my Parisienne pal & her husband) and a few others in the making.

I enjoy the facilities we have here that we didn't have in the north east, there is an abundance of things to do and just last week we "nipped" to London on a day off with Boy Rubgy and took in the crown jewels and a Henry 8th exhibition at Tower London (free thanks to Tesco vouchers) and the British Museum which displayed an Egyptian exhibition that was jaw-dropping (free, though under threat of becoming fee-paying again as all museums are, due to the credit crunch).

My first opera with my mum in Birmingham, to see La Boheme, was such a wonderful experience and a saunter around Stratford Upon Avon last week watching the Japanese people photographing everything that moved, and most things that didn't...all good fun.

Yet underneath these distractions and this joy of exploring new territory, there is a deep, dark fear. A hopeless ebbing away of positivity and hope. This weekend it rained non-stop and whether the rain reflected our mood or induced it, the knowledge that we cannot continue like this for much longer holds us back in a profound way, both practically and psychologically.

I have a book entitled "Conquering Arthritis" which I feel incorporates much of the useful alternative healing therapies relevant to arthritis which I've read over the years, it will take time and effort to tackle all the component parts which can induce healing and I will need time and support to even attempt it. Yet I am facing the dilemma that even with my health as it is, I should concentrate on returning to work to help support our family.

So there we have it, not a positive return to blogging, but a long lament for a jobless situation. I just want to cry, but I can't. I could weep for a man who is well-educated, widely experienced, incredibly hard working and has been treated badly, but I must keep up a cheerful air for him and our children. I want to say I feel hopeless but I can't.

A bientot

2009-05-26T00:30:00.000-07:00

Blogging is an enjoyable thing for me. I often feel inspired, moved, enlightened, entertained, familiarity and warm glows of friendship as I surf around the blogshere. I have no ambitions for my blog, it is purely for pleasure.

When I began, I thought I'd be writing a lot about how I cope with health issues, a cathartic blog which would connect me with others who dealt on a to day basis with issues similar to mine. Then things happened, unexpected and difficult (Everything comes in 3's) times which I just blogged about from the heart and I realised this was the only way I could do this, write what matters to me at the time, simply and honestly with a certain censure on matters that I felt were too private regarding those around me. So almost everything came into play, family, emotions, health... like many blogs a snapshot of daily life in the Reason's household plus thoughts and ideas on other matters.

Sometimes I wonder if I lost the plot, although I've gained much more than I originally though by not restricting my blog to health matters...what am I really doing here? Does it give what it takes out? I also feel that way about life in general at the moment. Not in a depressed way, but in the sense that I need to get certain things organised to make the most of my life, have the purpose to make the most of what Ihas been given to me.

Certain things need to be done, I have realised that. I've put them off for too long and action is needed. There always seems to be a lot going on in my life recently and time just flies (as it does for many of us), I think I have so many hours ahead of me then it creeps up and bites me in the rear.

So I shall be signing off for a short while. I am just letting you know because so many blogging pals have sweet, caring hearts that I know will wonder what's up if I don't explain. Nothing is up, I'm just needing a little time. I will be around and visit from time to time, a watchful eye...I am no fareweather friend.... and no doubt return and ramble again very soon.

"For all the world's a stage..."

2009-05-22T04:11:00.001-07:00

Charlie & I have perked up a bit. Or at least his ears have.

Driving north a couple of weeks ago I got listening to a Radio 4 play entitled "Do's and Don'ts for the Mentally Interesting". The play was based on a blog by Seaneen Malloy an young Irish woman who suffers from manic depression and as I was so captivated I slowed down to ensure I'd hear the end of the play before I arrived at my destination. Sadly it is no longer available on BBC iplayer to listen to, otherwise I'd add the link, her blog however, is The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive. Although I have never suffered from clinical depression I do have a couple of friends and a family member who do and I found the play entertaining and enlightening. It also made me think that certain members of the clergy who have criticised blogging etc. recently as being a bad thing perhaps need to find out a bit more about it before they judge! I could have a little rant about this, but it's friday so I'll spare you...

Boy Rugby Player has chicken pox and so, it turns out, we have a little extra time for dipping into the world of Blogshpere, films and books now we don't have to run to Here, There and Everywhere. He's a wonderful patient, oh yes, he only counts his spots 15 times per day and I never tire for one second of hearing "Has this one popped yet?" " Is it OK that I'm not hungry?" " Can I watch Star Wars the Clone Wars again?"

Last evening I brought out the poetry book and after a few Spike Milligan and Rhold Dhal poems and such like.

PROGRESS

I am a sun dial, and I make a botch,

Of what is done far better by a watch.

Hilaire Belloc

Then I read to him this oldie but goody...

When I am Old I Will Wear Purple

Warning!
When I am an old woman,

I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go,and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves and satin sandals,
And say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired and gobble up samples in shops
and press alarm bells and run with my stick along public railings,
and make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
and pick flowers in other people's gardens and learn to spit!
You can wear terrible shirts
and grow more fat and eat three pounds of sausages at ago,
or only bread and pickles for a week,
and hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
and pay our rent and not swear in the street,
and set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
when suddenly I am old,
And start to wear purple!

--Jenny Joseph

He looked at me a little wide-eyed and grinned then fell fast asleep, no doubt dreaming up a plan as to which home he'll lock me in when I'm old and wearing purple.

The I took off to Blockbusters and brought home the film "Changeling" starring Angelina Jolie and John Malkovich. A true story about a young Los Angeles boy abducted from his mother in 1928. I have never seen Angelina Jolie act before, only heard the stories of her as part of a beautiful A list celebrity couple, adoptive mother etc. and I was so surprised and impressed with her performance it occurred to me that her status as an actress is somewhat undermined by the other roles she plays in life. It was a a truly riveting but harrowing film, expertly produced.

I also booked tickets to take my mum to see La Boheme next weekend, she's always wanted to go. Extravagant under the current circs. perhaps but female logic says we won't be going out over half term because of the chicken pox so we saved money there and....yes, you've heard this kind of logic before somewhere haven't you? I needn't explain.

So more of the same this weekend, cultural indulgence here I come!

I shall organise my life next week.

Even the dog's fed up...

2009-05-19T05:38:00.000-07:00

I type away at home today, two poorly children on the sofas, courtesy of their kind mother who shared her bug with them (whoops), a grey sky outside for the sixth or seventh day in a row and a husband who is still pacing the floor awaiting a phone call to tell him what is the next stage of his recent four round of interviews.

Being housebound with sick children always provides an opportunity to catch up of little mundane tasks that have been put off for a while, so I have managed to achieve a few things and also spent a while staring at the rain, pondering. Somewhere inside me my dimmer switch has been turned down low. I am still tired from having had this virus, I know, but there is something else.

The first year that we moved here I was very pre-occupied helping the children settle in and feeling my way around our new environment, so I didn't look for work straight away. My eldest daughter was horrifically bullied and that too took up much time and emotional energy to deal with. The first part of the second year here, our son had some settling issues to contend with and my husband fell out of love with his job. So I've been busy supporting them. Now Boy Rugby seems happier and my husband is hopefully on his way to finding a dream job that will probably take him away goodness knows how many hours of the day and night.

So what about me?

I was working in a college before we moved, teaching English as a foreign language. I enjoyed the job, it was stimulating and I loved meeting all the students from all over the world. Nowadays I'm not sure my health is up to working in a college, sometimes my energy is low and I have quite a few medical appointments to attend, so I have considered teaching privately. I have also considered other things...so why don't I get on a do it?

Somehow my get-up-and-go has go-up-and-gone and I need to get up and find it. If anyone has seen it, please let me know because I can't seem to get anything done without it.

Thank you to all your lovely messages regarding my last post. Especially Dagenham Dave who thinks I may resemble the actress Emma Thompson a little...

...thank you Dave!

To be honest, for me, having this particular condition does not cause a great deal of problems because I am so used to it. The other auto-immune conditions I have, well that's another matter, so I will say this, if you know anyone with ongoing chronic illness, give them an extra hug. They will often be carrying on with a brave face, but it can get you down from time to time, your body is constantly battling with itself and there is sometimes a feeling that people don't understand.

Well, on a brighter note, I must have been a bit perky on occasion because I have received 3 lovely awards:

Thank you very much....

Rebel Mother
Maddie Grigg, The World From My Window

And the rather naughty Maternal Tales from the South Coast

They are much appreciated, however as I my mojo is gone I will have to ask to be excused the usual passing on rules for today and promise to do this another day.

Hello this is me!

2009-05-14T01:59:00.000-07:00

So here it is. My little moment of fame. Apparently this mag has an 80,000. distribution, plus professionals in the field so the family think it's quite good, especially my mum who sewed the little nurses outfit I am wearing on the pages inside.

Personally I am not that fussed to be honest, if the article helps someone then that's great but I do find it vaguely embarrassing. I'm not that bothered about the photo, it's not a bad one really - but do you know that thing where inside you're one age (for me it's 25-30) and then you glimpse a photo of yourself and there's this other aged person staring back at you? In my case it's a middle aged woman and it makes me look twice, when did that happen? It can't get any better I am assuming, this 25-30 old inside never ages, so the differential between head age and photo/mirror age will become greater the older I become. Best get used to it, the alternative to growing older is not that good!

It is Coeliac Disease Awareness Week here in good old Blighty so I am of course duty bound to write a little about it. This is my public service announcement blog.

Disease is a rather a strong word to use I feel. Basically it is an auto immune disorder ( I collect them don't you know) whereby the villi that line the small bowel are intolerant of gluten; found in wheat, barley, oats and rye. The villi will flatten if the person with coeliac disease consumes gluten containing foods and the body then fails to absorb nutrients. Sufferers can become anaemic, suffer digestive problems and other associated illnesses such as osteoporosis. It will correct itself once a gluten-free diet is adhered to.

The reason that the Coeliac Society have awareness campaigns is because many people suffering from this condition go undiagnosed. The situation is gradually improving over time but often people have varying symptoms which make if difficult to diagnose the condition and also many GP's are just not very aware of the importance of testing which is a problem because undiagnosed this can be a serious condition.

When I was born I weighed a healthy 7lbs, but by the time I was a year old I weighed only 14 lbs. Once diagnosed I was put on a gluten-free diet and thrived normally. I've hit other auto-immune obstacles since adulthood but that's another story altogether. Goodness only know what would have happened if I hadn't been diagnosed.

The other reason for campaigns is to raise awareness within the food industry so that alternatives and variety are made more readily available, thus making compliance to a gluten-free diet more likely. I have to say things have moved on considerably since I was diagnosed and it is far easier to manage, thus the growing extra pounds!

It is worth being aware of. If someone comes for dinner and says they can't have gluten/wheat etc. then it really does mean that they can't, it isn't just fussiness. Or if you hear of someone with persistent problems such as those above, it's worth asking if they've had a test for coeliac disease because currently the average adult waits 9 months for a diagnosis.

Warning: please wear mask before reading this post

2009-05-13T01:53:00.000-07:00

Since returning from my jaunt to the Lakes I have been housebound with some lurgy thing that my daughter has kindly shared with me. I wasn't going to bore you with symptoms but quite franky if I have to suffer, you have to suffer with me, that's what friends are for right?

I have a cough, cold, aching joints (more than normal) so bad it keeps me awake, stomach ache and fatigue so bad I can hardly keep my eyes open. I am typing in bed, my chin on my chest and this is where I plan to stay until lunchtime when I will try to get up and reassess the situation.

As I have chronic conditions I am used to pain and coping with difficulties but give me a bug and I'm sorry for myself on the scale of a man. Sorry men, you know what you're like and if you're not like that you should be cloned immediately.

I am not quite that bad, in fact there are some advantages to being out of sorts. I've watched Madagascar 2, which I thoroughly recommend if you haven't seen it. It's on DVD so you can watch it in the privacy in your own home without embarrassment if you don't have little ones to see it with, or even better borrow someone elses, it's well worth it to hear them howling with laughter. I listened to radio, have eaten less and now have a chance to read lots of blogs. I also had 3 young strapping garderners working outside that the rental agents sent round to help sort out this monster garden and I just had to sit and watch...sigh.

I do hope this isn't all getting to exciting for you. Shall I tell you about the weather? Well it's drizzly and a bit chilly. Right..well.......Oh I know! Yesterday the hubs came running upstairs with something behind his back and a cheeky look on his face. It was the summer edition of the Cross Grain (Coeliac Society) Magazine with my mug shot on the front page. Ha! Inside they had my article with more pictures of me, both now and as a child.

When the kids got home from school they thought it was the bees knees. I didn't break it to Boy Rugby that this was just a specialised mag, not Red or Cosmopolitan. Bad of me eh? But I just loved seeing this face, he looked strangely proud for a moment, then he opened the magazine and saw the picture of me in our garden with the dog and shouted "Wow! Charlie's famous!!" My one small moment of glory, when for a short time I am more than just a mother in the eyes of my 9 year old and it is usurped by a four legged mutt. Typical.

On another note, the job situation is still in limbo for the hubster, we should know more soon and it is looking positive so please do not uncross anything yet. I know it's difficult to peel potatoes and write with your fingers crossed but this is important so do bear with me. Thank you for you wonderful vibes and thoughts, they are all helping enormously.

P.S. Google appears to be playing naughty games with me today and has stolen my "Comments" facility as far as I can see, although some seem to have been able to access it. Google obviously doesn't want me spreading my germs! If you want to comment, but can't, please use my last post to do so. I wouldn't want to miss you, you see. x

Fun & Frolics

2009-05-11T05:03:00.000-07:00

Well what can I say?! I have just spend one of the most enjoyable weekends of my life. And didn't even spend that much!

My Lakeland Pal lives in a little terraced house in the Lake District, she moved there three years ago and has just finished making it the most wonderful homely retreat. She has filled her her home with warm contrasting painted walls, roaring wood fires, curtains and cushions of rich colours and textures (stay with me here boys), tiny lights, sun catchers and wooden sculptures. Not one piece of plastic lego in sight. She doesn't have children of course and I don't complain about lego (much) (OK that's a lie), but for me, this was a short, blissful break from the joyous normality that is the hard work of my family life.

The three of us laughed, drank, cried and laughed again. Oh and maybe drank again, well a little bit. OK quite a lot actually..but not too much obviously.. I do remember everything! We're a mixed little bunch. Between us we've been through a family suicide, chronic illness, child abuse...we could do a whole series of Oprah Winfey and then some... but I am blessed with two gorgeous, supportive, funny, generous-hearted friends. The fact that one of them has moved to such a fantastic location is one big bumper bonus!

They don't read this blog. Of course I was tempted to tell them, but I still am being very selfish about this and really enjoy having it all to myself. (The hubster is not reading - or so he tells me - don't you love?).

In my absence, my beloved Him Indoors, the kids and dog had an absolute ball. I rang home and all I could hear was talking and laughter; the neighbours, the parents of their friends...my house was filled with partying people. Of course this morning the laundry pile was over-flowing, the fridge empty and a few good shakes were required to get sleepy people out to school but at least I didn't need to feel bad for going and all the more reason to do it again some time. Yes I know, as if I needed one....you know me so well.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some serious blog-reading to catch up on!

Y'all have fun now y'hear?!!

2009-05-07T09:04:00.000-07:00

I don't know the results of that little secret I told you, I'll be sure to write and tell you when I do. I'm sorry if you didn't read it but I had to delete the contents of that post or else I'd have had to send the boys round. Needless to say there is fatigue and hope and tension and what-ifs....all will become clear. Sorry to be mysterious.

I, of course, being the supportive, loyal and kind wifey that I am, will be buggering off for the weekend. Hooray!! It was planned yonks ago, I can't cancel and really wouldn't want to miss it for the world. I get to be the guest! I am heading to the north west to visit my Lake District pal and we will be joined by another friend. We all did our teacher training together about 5 years ago and the course was so badly orgnaised we bonded like we've known each other all our lives, it made the whole thing so much more worthwhile.

So it's no hubsters, no kiddy winks, no dogs...hooray, hooray, hooray! Sure I'll miss them and am a tad guilty about leaving the hubs at such a nail-biting time, but the thought of two whole days and nights with such great friends and in such a lovely place is just too good to pass up. I have been told to bring nothing, of course I have a case the size Russia but I have a suspicion that plans have been made... Alas possibly no blogging for me this weekend - that is unless I can sneak on to Lakeland Pal's pooter at some point, I'll have to see about that.

So you lot behave yourselves whilst I'm away please. Play nicely, turn the lights off when you leave and make sure you come back soon.

Sshhhhhhhhhh... ("This post will self destruct in 24 hours")

2009-05-06T11:39:00.000-07:00

May I just say thank you for all the lovely, heartfelt messages of goo

Going soft in the head

2009-05-05T06:29:00.000-07:00

I must say a big thank you for all those coffees you had waiting for me yesterday. It's a good thing they were virtual coffees because it only takes two cups for me to go into hyper-drive and hyper is not what I needed yesterday after the guests all went on their merry way. What I needed was a little tranquility. A detox of the mind. Some kicking back in my back yard as good ol' Baloo always says.

I won't go into the whys and wherefores, although boy, would I like to!

You know the dilemma....

Or for any dogs that happen to be reading this....

But then Spring Baby(13) begged me to go and see the new Hannah Montana movie with her. This is a film about the teen pop idol , Mylie Cyrus, in case you live in a cave or don't have young girls. I thought "Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!" and said, "OK love, good idea!" and we left Boy Ruby and the hubster watching, well, I don't know what, but it involved world war two, flying and lots of sterling, first class chaps.

We did the whole, popcorn and coke for her and coffee for me thing, and then nestled ourselves comfortably into the darkness; Spring Baby (13) quivering with excitement, me preparing for a one-eyed nap.

Of course you know what's coming don't you? Yes, I liked it. I confess. I toe-tapped and laughed and at one point I shed a tear. I know it's my hormones but when Hanna (or Mylie) sat under a tree and sang together with her father I was quite moved. Then I discovered it's her real father, he can't act for toffee but they did capture something on screen, or so I thought. Then again maybe I'm heading down the HRT road, I'm not sure... but I am going very soft in my old age.

See you tomorrow. I may have regained my sanity then.

But I doubt it!!

Hi there, come on in!

2009-05-01T07:17:00.000-07:00

Visitors again this weekend.

That's the third weekend in a row.

It's B&B season in the Reasons to be Cheerful household!

This is one of the good/bad things about moving away from your home, friends and family.

They come and visit.

But that's fine, really it's fine.

I'll change the bedding.

Again.

We were the ones that moved after all.

And it's always so nice to see everyone.

So I'll shop to feed the 5,000, again.

Cook nice meals and try not to look grumpy if no-one offers to help clear up.

Had to put the dog in kennels this time, because visiting friend is very allergic.

That's only £50, that's fine.

And they'll be in our bed because the dog NEVER goes in there.

No probs.

Probably won't have much time to blog.

Bummer.

And if it rains, we'll spend a fortune entertaining the kids.

But it might be lovely, and sunny.

So that'll be OK.

They come tonight and leave Monday.

Which is perfect.

Because my mum says visitors are like fish.

They go off after three days.

I'll be back on Monday.

Please have a coffee waiting for me.

Put downs!

2009-04-30T06:52:00.001-07:00

The scene: Cafe in the park. Happy mum on a sunny Spring day brings two of her children for an ice-cream after
school.

Characters: Moi, Boy Rugby, Spring Baby (13)

a lady behind the counter (let's call her Beryl), a radio.

Sounds: Music from radio.

Lines: Moi to Boy Rugby "Isn't that Star Wars music hon. ?"

Beryl to me "No it's Holst, The Planets."

Boy Rugby "It's Mars, God of War."

Looks: Eyes of mine and Spring Baby (13) meet.

Lines: A brief sigh.

He's not the nerdy type I promise, far from it. Next week I have been summoned to see his teacher about his inability to do homework (he doesn't bring it home you see) and his "progress".

My guess is that he's now settled into his new school, he's made friends and his testing out his recently-tuned sense of humour. Or in other words, becoming a bit of a class clown (not my gene, I blame the father). And if he thinks I'll stick up for him or buy him anymore ice-creams after that, he's got another thing coming.

Salt of the earth

2009-04-28T01:58:00.000-07:00

Carrying out the mundane task of sorting piles of laundry this morning, I flicked on the TV to alleviate the boredom. There was a cockney lady of 94 named Lilly being rescued from her bedroom floor after a fall she'd suffered. Helped by the paramedics of London town, it turned out that she'd actually fallen in the night and managed to move along the floor to reach the phone but had waited until morning before dialing '999' in order not to disturb anyone.

When they came, she was sweet and grateful. The paramedic explained this was typical behaviour of our older generations who feel uncomfortable about making a nuisance of themselves. By the time Lilly was in the ambulance she was endlessly chatting about her years of hard work which included a job as a dinner lady, encouraging all the children to eat up their greens. By the time she arrived at the hospital my piles of laundry where a mess, hubby's pile topped with 13 year old girl's school socks and me in rugby shorts for the week. Lilly had moved me.

"Pocket ladies" the paramedic called them. "They're so lovely you could put them in your pocket and carry them around with you all day." I think not.

I thought about my own mum. She too was also born in the east end of London, and at 75 is a total trooper. I called her last week to see how she was. She'd had the whole family to visit for Easter and I knew she'd be tired when we left. She said she'd gone into the garden earlier that day to sit and enjoy the sun, but had felt guilty so then went inside to tackle some jobs. Felt guilty. She's been caring for people all her life, from the age of 10 she practically raised her 5 brothers and sisters due to an alcoholic father and a mother with mental health issues. She has worked all her life, both in the home and outside. A bright women, she was denied her education due to the inadequacies of her parents. Yet she still managed to find gainful employment, taking exams and therefore studying and baking till late into the night. She now looks after my 76 year old father who has smoked all his life and is now suffering the effects but she is always positive and energetic . Yet she cannot sit still for very long even though she so deserves to relax.

I can see how hard work and a selfless attitude has helped women like Lilly and my mother keep going and in the end, to their own benefit. I can only hope to be half the woman they are, even now I think my mum has more energy than I. Think I'll have what they're drinking!

Simple Sunday

2009-04-26T02:50:00.001-07:00

I love it when my daughters do impressions at the table until we are all laughing too hard to eat.

Hate it when they bicker over baubles and bangles.

I love it that my husband plays the piano and sings like James Taylor.

Hate it that he puts chili powder in EVERYTHING when he cooks.

I love this house we live in, the lounge with the view of the beautiful, long, woody, garden.

Hate that it's not ours to own.

I love it when my mum comes to visit.

Hate that she moves everything so I can't find it when she's left.

I love that I have a good complexion and nice green eyes

Hate my crooked fingers and toes.

I love bitter-sweet films like Postcards from the Edge (watched last night)

Hate soaps and reality TV.

I love that my 13 year old has a passion for baking.

Hate what it's doing to my hips.

I love my son's sponge of brain and endless facts that he spouts forth.

Hate that I go upstairs and forget what I went for.

I love my two older brothers, one so wise the other so practical.

Hate that they live so far away.

I love living in the UK: the art, theatre, radio, proximity to other European countries, humour, and yes - the food!

Hate our medias' endless fascination with making it all sound naff.

I love our dog Charlie, goofy, loving, loyal, and fast.

Hate that he has to hump everything he sees at the moment.

I love my 15 year old's sunny smile

Hate that she wants to be with her friends ALL THE TIME.

I love the idea you might do a post like this

Hate the idea I might not get to know you more

I love blogging.

Moi

2009-04-24T02:07:00.000-07:00

The good news is, the lego star wars battle is now only taking up a third of the table.

The bad news is, the pineapple is now on their side and they seem to be focused upon yours truly!

I have been tagged by the lovely Natalie, Musings from the Deep and Maddie Grigg to do a Meme. I have combined them because many of the questions are similar.

Sorry about the word spacing I'm having problems getting the darn thing to edit as I want it too. It seems to have a mind of it's own.

1. What is your current obsession?

Trying to stay in the moment and not worry about the future.

2.Which item of clothing do you wear often?
Jeans (dog, kids, what else?)

3.What's for dinner?
Scallops, salad and garlic bread with a glass of vino, or 2. With friends.

4.What are you listening to?

The radio. It's one of my best friends.

5.Say something to the one that tagged you.

Hello gorgeous! I think of you as a kindred spirit.
One day (even if it's in a future lifetime) we shall meet and drink a cup of tea or a glass of wine together.

Maddie- I love the way you write about your life, the sights, the characters, the drama. I think you embrace life with humour and passion. You rock!

6.Favorite vacation spot?

My sister in law's beach house, at Alligator Point, north west Florida.

Stars, silence, seafood and dolphins - happy, happy days.

7. What I'm reading right now?

The biography of a children's author, Jaqueline Wilson, my daughter begged me to read it.

Also "Bringing up a Boy" and Barak Obama's autobiography.

8. Four words to describe myself.

Over sensitive, intuitive, barmy, honest. Oops that's 5.

9.Guilty pleasure.

Cafes. Often.

10. What do you think you will feel about your life when all is said and done?

I wish I knew then what I know now!

11. What do you look forward to?

Our own home, security.

12 Who or what makes you laugh until you’re weak?

My husband.

13. Best thing you ate or drank lately?

Tea this morning with my Parisian Pal.

14. Flower of the moment?

Cherry blossom

15. Favourite ever film?

Jungle Book

16 .Care to share some wisdom?

Only cross the road when the green man's flashing and NEVER eat the yellow snow.

I would like to tag please:

Maternal Tales from the South Coast

Our Lady of Great Importance (Fhina)

Crystal Jigsaw

Jinksy

Kitty

Moments from Suburbia

Life, Work & Pleasure

Granny on the Web

Reasons to be Cheerful, 1, 2, 3 & 4.

2009-04-23T02:18:00.000-07:00

There are stories of doom and gloom in British newspapers today, our financial future looks rocky, to say the least. Then amidst the despair there is a little story of the Hawaiian happy face spider, he is currently being studied by British scientists. It made me smile too.

Another thing that smoothed my grumpy edges was overhearing the voices of the two little girls that live next door. Four year old to two year old says "Careful Emily, don't trip or I'll be late for school." She could have been saying anything to be honest, they just sound sweet.

Then there's the view I wake up to in our rented house every morning now that Spring has sprung. I shall miss it when we leave.

And on first waking I made the intrepid journey into our kitchen, to be greeted by a lego Star Wars battle taking up most of the kitchen table. We'll eat on our laps this morning then guys.

I don't think the pineapple stands much of a chance do you?

What made you happy today?

Something is amiss...

2009-04-22T07:17:00.000-07:00

Rob-Bear's comment on my last post echoes some of my own sentiments about a few things I have written about recently, especially the last - something definitely is amiss.

With regard to the offending song that is played on our radios so frequently at the moment and perhaps, I think, somewhat unwittingly, I am uncertain as to how affected my daughter is. I don't think she's heard the lyrics properly but she loves to sing and will often download music and lyrics to learn new songs. If she does, and that is something else I will now need to monitor, I don't think she'd understand some of the worse parts (although after reading Natalie's comment of Musings from the Deep, who can be sure?), and even if she doesn't, what's the betting someone in the playground will eagerly be waiting to enlighten her?

It's a complicated job being a parent these days. Many boundaries, including those of good taste, are pushed all the time by those who influence and create our media of sights and sounds. I am no prude and pop music has always had it's sex and drugs and who knows what else, there is arguably a place for all that, but this song is packaged and wrapped up in a little bow for teeny boppers. That, in my opinion, is plain wrong.

I remember when we first moved back to the UK from Canada, I saw two separate sights that I will never forget. One was of a little girl (about 8 or 9) at a theatre, dressed up in high heels, short skirt and tight top. This sexualisation of young girls had not hit Canada at the time we left. There, kids generally wore jeans and shorts - although I don't know what it's like now. I felt really sad and a little afraid of what we'd returned to.

The second was in the dearly departed Woolworths shop, where I discovered TV sets, the screens embedded into plastic moulds of bright colours, shaped into Micky Mouse ears, or Cinderella swirls. I was gobsmacked. How can something like a TV, which can expose kids to such a mindboggling wide variety of material, be marketed at young children?! OK it's up to the parents to monitor perhaps, but these babies were designed to sit in bedrooms. How much time do children spend alone in their bedrooms? This cannot be monitored. I know I'm a dinosaur, but non of my kids have TV sets in their rooms, and they never will.

We are constantly treading the tightrope, trying not to let our beloved offspring fall into shark infested waters, it's a balancing act extraordinaire and mounting challenge.

On another note, for me personally I have to try see the funny side of things that make me weep. Not the song etc. that's not funny, but the fact that I was happily and unknowingly jigging along to such dodgy lyrics is vaguely amusing. Please don't let them stop us laughing, it's the only way I get by!

Today I heard on the radio that the Association for Motor-Neurone Disease are up in arms regarding a joke about the physicist Stephen Hawkins who is ill in hospital at the moment. He has to use a computerised voice synthesizer to talk (in case you've not heard of him). The joke was: "Has anyone tried switching him off and then switching him on again?' They said something about demeaning him to be the sum of his computerised parts and not a person who merely relies of them for his wellbeing...

Now I know I'm treading on dodgy ground here, but I think perhaps if and when Mr. Hawkins is well again, he might even laugh at that. My brother has attended one of his lectures and he was both clever and comic, so he tells me. Being ill or disabled doesn't rob you of a sense of humour, it's what you need to help you cope.

I have very badly damaged hands and when a friend came to visit recently we were getting ready for a lunchtime walk and I was taking ages (as I do) to pull up my zip on my coat. "Come on love.." bustles my friend , yanking at the zip for me, "..it gets dark at four!" Now that's funny!

Oh per-lease!!!

2009-04-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

OK so maybe I'm not a totally unfit mother.

Or maybe I am.

My just-turned-13 year old and I were baking in the kitchen (well where else?) and the radio was on.

A catchy new song came on and we jigged and sung what we thought were the words. You know, how you do...

"I love this song mum, don't you?"

"Yeah" jig, jig, bang, crash, "S'good."

Today I drove along with the radio on.

Same said song came on, I turned it up.

I was alone, I listened carefully.

And thought

Oh my God.

Here are the lyrics:

oh he treats me with respect

he says he loves me all the time

he calls me fifteen times a day

he likes to make sure that I'm fine

you know I've never met a man

whose made me feel quite so secure

hes not like all them other boys

they're all so dumb and immature

there's just one thing that's getting in the way

when we go up to bed you're just not good it's such a shame

I look into your eyes I want to get to know you

and then you make this noise and its apparent it's all over

it's not fair and I think your really mean

I think your really mean yes I think your really mean

oh you're supposed to care but you never make me scream

you never make me scream

oh it's not fair and it's really not ok

it's really not ok it's really not ok

oh you're supposed to care but all you do is take

all you do is take

well I lie here in the wet patch in the middle of the bed

I'm feeling pretty damn hard done by

,I spent ages giving head

then I remember all the nice things that you've ever said to me

maybe I'm just overreacting, maybe your the one for me

there's just one thing ...

Enough already, I think you get the gist now...

...don't phone us dear singer, and we definitely won't be phoning you.